Marvel's Take: A Space Odyssey 2006

Since I started the blog, I have been trying to get Kevin J. Marvel to write a post for several reasons. First, he is a very good writer with discernable writing skills, unlike a certain someone who thinks he can write and started this blog. Second, he is funny. Very funny. And finally, he likes Maryland and the Redskins (and is very anti Duke and the Birds, especially the former) and is very vocal and opinionated about them. This kind of makes him a ying to my yang, I think.

Anyway, I put a blurb about how space exploration was a waste of money when we do not exactly have money lying around right now, and I got a surprising number of emails basically telling me I was a dope (and a couple of support). None were more passionate, detailed and with a taste of humor that one from Mr. Marvel, so I am posting it here. Hopefully this will lead to a monthly (at least) column as I try to make him a regular. Even if you do not care about space, this is a good read. I may post again later today with some additional thoughts on other topics...

After reading this, I think I am in support of the space program, and to cut budgets, I guess we will have to go with Pablo's idea of $200 million bridges to nowhere in Alaska. Enjoy.
________________________________________________________

Dils, you had me at hello. But then you lost me with your rant on the $700 million mission to Pluto. In case you weren't aware, the APL in APL Federal Credit Union stands for Applied Physics Lab, as in the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Lab. I'm looking out my window at the lab right now. APL is the primary contractor for the New Horizons mission to Pluto. In fact, my buddy Nick works on the New Horizons team. He's one of the main mission analysts. He got me in to see the spacecraft as it was being assembled a few months ago. Pretty cool stuff. They have the whole "clean room" over there, complete with the guys walking around in the white suits, covering everything in that cool material that looks like gold Reynolds Wrap.

Not to discount your argument about cutting space exploration to help balance the budget, but conservative estimates by numerous independent experts state that for every dollar the U.S. spends on research and development in the space program, it receives $7 back in the form of corporate and personal income taxes from increased jobs and economic growth.

And all economic benefits aside, I could name hundreds of improvements to our quality of life that are a direct result of money spent on the space program. But to just name a few:

The Hubble Space Telescope -- yes, the much-maligned Hubble. In actuality it's turned into a very successful mission. And the Charged Coupled Device (CCD) used on the Hubble is now being utilized to provide better breast exams. That's right, the technology has led to more accurate breast exam images and earlier detection of cancerous cells. I don't know about you, but I happen to love breasts. And if sending a telescope into space leads to saving thousands of wonderful boobies then I'm all for it. Other medical advances include laser angioplasty and an advanced ultrasound skin analysis, two very important areas considering the U.S. population's love of fatty foods and the Sun. Basically, a ton of procedures that improve recovery time or help with early detection are a direct result of space exploration. Believe it or not, a miniature ventricular-assist pump now being used is based on the space shuttle's fuel pump. I kid you not.

Airline Safety -- the use of NASA innovations, from lightweight composite materials to the modern glass cockpit and aircraft control systems will continue to make air travel safer and more efficient. Considering the plight of the airline industry, any advancements that will improve their bottom line are vital, and will ultimately help the economy. I'm not sure NASA's freeze-dried food will do much for the industry's culinary reputation, though.

Structural analysis techniques used by NASA are now making cars safer. Flat panel TVs, enhanced weather forecasting, improved photovoltaic cells (assuming we ever want to get over our reliance upon Middle East oil), fire resistant materials being used in industry and to keep firefighters safer ... it's all a result of space exploration.

And think of the obligatory blowhards that chew your ears off at cocktail parties, corporate functions, etc. You know the type. They complain incessantly about little things, always using the catchphrase, "If we can put a man on the moon, how come we can't (insert trivial product/service here). Just the other day, some complete stranger asked me why, if we could put men on the moon, McDonald's couldn't make a drive-thru speaker that doesn't make the person taking your order sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. Hell, I couldn't give him a good answer. Can you? It's a good question. But if we never, in fact, put men on the moon, all these ranters would have no way of releasing their stress and would inevitably end up taking it out on the rest of us in the form of violence. Think about it.

Plus, what would Ron Popeil and all those other late-night infomercial guys do if they couldn't sell gadgets that were supposedly based on "Space Age Technology"? I, for one, am happy for the change of pace those 3 a.m. television hawkers provide from the endless display of boobs bouncing around on Cinemax -- even if some of those Cinemax boobs were saved by the space industry, or even enhanced using implants designed with "space age" materials.

The next time you are soaking up rays on the beach, sitting in your ultra-light space age beach chair, eating fattening ice cream that stayed frozen in a space age cooler, while wearing space age sunglasses with polarized lenses that hide your eyes so you can ogle all the beautiful fillies showing off their delicious mammary glands, be sure to give thanks to NASA. And if you happen to strike up the courage to talk to one of these bronzed goddesses, be sure to tell her that if she agrees to drive back to your beach house in your structurally sound SUV and get busy on your technologically advanced, space age mattress, that it will be one small shag for man, but one giant leap for mankind.

Respectfully,

Kevin J. Marvel, space (and breast) enthusiast