Uncle Charley's Take: His first article in 19 Years

Uncle Charley is a buddy of mine from Duke who actually used to write for the student newspaper. His highlight from 4 years of college was doing a World Wrestling Federation Discussion with yours truly on the college radio station in which I gave a tribute to the Grand Wizrd of Wrestling with something like "He was great, he died and we miss him!" I am telling you it was quality listening. Anyway, Uncle Chuck has come out of retirement to be heard in this format, so comment what you think, and maybe we can get him to do a regular piece...
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Some left-overs from the NFL playoffs: Mike Vanderjagt continues to put the "idiot" in "idiot kicker." Apparently, God must have been too busy on Sunday to intervene in the Colts' favor. Or maybe He was just resting on the seventh day, as He has been known to do from time to time. Fresh off of shanking a 46-yarder to lose the game for his time, Vanderjerk laid the blame at the foot of the Big Guy: "Everything seemed to be lining up in our favor. I guess the Lord forgot about the football team." Yeah, I'm sure that's what happened. Because, as we know, God usually spends every free moment deciding the outcome of sporting events. That explains why paragons of virtue like George Steinbrenner, the '86 Mets, Mike Tyson, Adolph Rupp and Dennis Rodman have been so successful. It's because God controls the results of childish games to ensure that the truly good triumph, and evil men like Ernie Banks, Marv Levy and Louie Carnesseca never win the big one. On second thought, maybe Vanderslice is wrong, people have free will and God really doesn't decide sporting events (except, of course, for the '92 Duke-Kentucky game). Maybe the Colts lost because Vanderloser felt the pressure of the moment and simply choked. Gee, it's hard to know what to think . . . I never get tired of looking at the Sergeant Slaughter visage of Bill Cowher. I keep waiting for him to slap the Cobra Clutch on an unsuspecting official, several of whom deserved to be on the receiving end of a vertical suplex in the fourth quarter of the Steelers-Colts fiasco. Anyone else sick of the Mannings? They remind me of a Southern version of the British Royal Family. Archie and Peyton have a certain in-bred quality to them. Great job by Peyton on Sunday, standing there over center wildly gesticulating before every play, running the play clock down to 1 on nearly every snap. Hey Peyton, maybe your blockers would have fared better if the Steelers weren't able to time every blitz perfectly and take full adavntage of your obsessive-compulsive disorder. Just run the play, already.

I saw just enough of the Sixers/Bullets (they'll always be the Bullets to me) on MLK Day to see that Shavlik Randolph hasn't changed all that much from Duke. He still cannot finish shots around the basket, is a mediocre free throw shooter and has an egg-shell psyche. I think he was too intimidated by K to ever develop fully at Duke. Perhaps Cheeks can coddle him enough to give him a chance at a modest career in the NBA. He seems like a truly nice kid, just too insecure and sensitive to criticism to achieve the greatness predicted for him out of high school.

While everyone is justifiably excited about Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough, who is off to a terrific start as a freshman, I think Josh McRoberts has similar potential and is an upgrade from Shav on the Duke front-line. Too bad that neither will likely be around more than two or three years. In the not-to-distant past, we would have been able to look forward to measuring their progress against each other for four years. For those who wonder how good Carolina would be if Felton, May and McCants had stayed this year, imagine a Duke team with Luol Deng as a junior and Shaun Livingston as a sophomore. Toss-up question - who has the best porn 'stache? Virginia's Jason Cain orGonzaga's Adam Morrison? Cain has the Hitler thing going along with a grotesque assortment of tats, while Morrison reminds me of me in eighth-grade before my dad told me I could borrow his Norelco and Mennon's'Lectric Shave. With Dave Leitao having replaced anvil-headed Pete Gillen from Virginia, Gary Milhous Williams is now officially the sweatiest coach in the nation. Leitao's arrival also gives the ACC an astounding lineup of coaching talent from top to bottom. Look at the names - Krzyzewski, R. Williams, G.Williams, Oliver Purnell (did a great job at Dayton and ODU), Paul Hewitt,Al Skinner, Leonard Hamilton, and on and on. You could make a compelling argument that Wake's Skip Prosser is one of the two or three weakest coaches in the conference and he's won over 70 percent of his games there. Not sure that any conference has ever employed as many impressive coachesat one time, although the ACC of the early to mid 80s was similarly loaded- Dean Smith, Coach K, Lefty Driesell, Bobby Cremins, Jim Valvano andTerry Holland.

When did it become acceptable to be a big fat football coach? When I was a kid, Abe Gibron was the only real fatso I can remember lumbering around the sidelines. John Madden was a rather large animal as well, although in retrospect he was only pudgy. Now Andy Reid, Mike Holmgren, Ralph Friedgen, Mike Mangino at Kansas, the blimp who coaches Toledo whose name escapes me (editor: Tom Amstutz), Bill Parcells and a host of others appear to be lining their parkas with Twinkies and HoHos. Is there a sight in sports any more repulsive than The Tuna in pre-season wearing Bike coaching shorts and a tee shirt? He makes Phil Mickelson look flat-chested. Isn't it difficult for someone to demand discipline and fitness from their players while looking like these corpulent gentlemen? It's kind of like going to a McDonald's and seeing your doctor polishing off a combo meal while pulling a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket, two hours after he told you that you need to watch your cholesterol.