Pat Burrell, U.S. Open, Ozzie Guillen, and Other Friday Odds & Ends

If Pat Burrell of the Phillies could play every game of his career against the Mets, he would live up to the hype of being the #1 pick in the baseball draft, which, despite not many people remembering, he was. He has 35 home runs in his career against the Mets, more than double what he has against almost any other team (he has 19 against the Nationals). Of course, despite Burrell’s two home-runs yesterday, the Philberts came up small again, losnig for the third straight time to the Mets (yes, at home), and dropping 10 games behind New York in the loss column. At least now we can shift our attention to the annual flirting with the wild card, for which the Phils will undoubtedly come up just short yet again. For while Houston went out and paid zillions to get Roger Clemens, the Phillies continue to pay peanuts to find lemons. At least the Jolly Chollie Manual era likely only has 96 more games…..

The U.S. Open teed off yesterday with a couple interesting story lines. Tiger proved that it does not matter who you are, you can not take nine weeks off from tournament golf and expect to come back and compete in the Open, with its notorious narrow fairways, brutal rough, and glass table greens. The best story though could be that old, washed up, Pillsbury Dough Boy Colin “Monty” Montgomery is all by himself in the lead. There has never been a golfer given a tougher time by Americans everywhere than Monty. He is like the Barry Bonds of golf, but without the home crowds in the Bay Area. Hearing Monty at the top of the leaderboard reminds me of the classiest move in golf that got little pub. He was playing match play in the Ryder Cup against the late Payne Stewart, and he was just getting vilified by the fans. Anyway, when the U.S. locked up the trophy, Stewart conceded a long putt to Monty that gave him the match. Just a class act. Anyway, I hope Monty sticks around this weekend. It would be a fun story to follow. Imagine if Monty and Mickelson played in the final pairing Sunday. They could compete in golf or at a competitive eating table. I would not want to be Kobayashi trying to grab that last hot dog from those two guys…..

Ozzie Guillen proved last year that he knows how to manage a baseball team. He also gave inklings last year, and has proved beyond the shadow of a doubt in the past 48 hours, that he is completely and utterly insane. First he orders his pitcher to drill Hank Blalock (isn’t that supposed to be implied?). Then, he goes beserk when his pitcher takes two shots at it but misses, and gets the guy to ground out. Then, he send the guy back to the Minors the next day. Then he publicly calls out his own guy (Pierzinski) by saying if he got hit, he would fight. How can Major League Baseball not suspend this guy for a long time the next time his team a) gets into a bench clearing brawl, or b) intentionally hits a batter. I am not a lawyer, but even I could get a conviction there. As I said, Ozzie is a good manager, but there is no way he will last five more years in the league. The equivalent in the real world would be if Dick Cheney, after shooting that dude in the face, said something to the effect of “I told the guy that I wanted to shoot that quail, and if he took a shot at it, he would pay….dearly.” Ozzie, my advice to you: shut you pie hole, don’t talk to the press, and just manage your team.

Wasn’t it interesting that in the biggest must win of the NBA finals (the NBA had to figure Miami would come out and get game 3 at home), Dick Bavetta was the choice to ref. And Miami had a blow out win. Does Stern bring him back in game 7 if it goes that far? Sure beats handing the trophy to Cuban, from his perspective.

If the U.S. loses to Italy in the World Cup tomorrow, wouldn’t that be doing us a favor, in that we could go back to ignoring soccer and pretending it doesn’t exist if you are older than 15.

Doesn’t it drive you nuts when they suspend a starting pitcher for five games? Isn’t this the equivalent of just moving their start back a day? If they want them to miss a start, wouldn’t a nine or 10 game suspension be more appropriate? What’s that? Bud Selig is the Commissioner of baseball? Ahhhhh. Never mind, it all makes perfect sense.

Isn’t it time for the charges in the Duke Lacrosse case to be dropped? Enough wasting taxpayers’ money. Enough wasting time on Sportscenter. Enough giving innocent kids bad press. Nifong, you jackass, spend you time figuring out what crimes the alleged victim has committed and why you are so freaking stupid with a) believing any of this and b) trying the case in the press when that is an ethical violation.

On that note, have a great weekend. Happy Father’s Day to those to whom it applies.

Note: picture courtesy of www.colinmontgomerie.com