Grossy's Take: Why the Phillies Make Me Throw Up In My Mouth

My buddy Grossy is fresh of his victory in my win or die pool. But all is not well in his world (or any Phillie fan's for that matter). The Philberts are off to their tyipcal 3-9 start, and Jimmy Rollins' proclamation that the Phils were the team to beat in the NL East seems both distant and laughable. At least the weather is gorgeous so there is lots of other stuff to do. One thing before I turn it over to Grossy: I am shocked his list of Phillies shortcomings does not include Gary "Sarge" Matthews, who may be the baseball announcing equivalent of Sanjaya's singing ability. If I hear him say "Mo-ace" one more time when describing Moises Alou, I may strangle myself. Anyway, here is Grossy's take on the Philberts 12 games in...
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The lead story the last two days in the Inquirer sports section is about Bill Giles' new book "Pouring Six Beers At a Time: And Other Stories From a Lifetime In Baseball." While I am sure that they are lining up at Barnes and Nobles in countless strip malls throughout the Delaware Valley today to read of the exploits of Kite Man, Philadelphia Phil and Phyllis and $1 hot dog nights, I'm gonna have to take a pass. I have spent my entire life watching the slop that passes for baseball in this town and frankly, the Phillies may be experiencing their nadir today, on April 18, 2007. Here are the Top 10 reasons why I've made a personal covenant to spend more time watching the Philadelphia Soul than the Philadelphia Phillies in April 2007:

10. The Manager
It goes without say that the decision to keep Charlie Manuel as the manager was a horrible miscalculation by Pat Gillick and the Phillies top brass. The team is woefully underprepared for the start of the season and past experience indicates that a slow April will kill any hopes for October baseball in South Philadelphia. April matters--just fire him now so we can move on and stop playing Hamlet. Perhaps the worst part is that Manuel is actually making Howard Eskin newsworthy in Philadelphia as Manuel chewed out Eskin in his office after last night's loss to the Mets. That alone is a reason to send Chollie packing up for West Virginia.

9. Zach Segovia
The fact that this clown actually started a game in April speaks volumes
about the way this team is being managed. By the way, check out Randy
Wolf in LA, 2-1 with 15 Ks. I guess that shoulder is doing ok.
Meanwhile, Freddy Garcia's fastball appeared to be in the low 70s last night. And the Phils starters have an average 5.73 ERA, the NL's worst.
And Brett Myers is 0-2 with a 15.26 ERA in his last two starts. Uh oh.

8. Jayson Werth
This guy is wretchedly horrible. Where is Jeff Conine when you need him? The Phillies outfield of Victorno-Rowand-Pat the Bat has enough question marks that this team needs a viable reserve and Werth and Michael Bourn just won't cut it. (Editor's note: This guy actually made two of the worst plays I have ever seen in tha SAME INNING! He is THAT bad)

7. The Weather
Not that there is really any reason to leave McFadden's anyway for the game at this point, but I don't sit outside for 9 innings until the thermometer is at least above 36 Fahrenheit.

6. The Catcher(s)
Wanted for grand theft larceny: Rod Barajas. 13 AB. 0 HR. .077 BA.
2 RBI. 0 R. 0 SB. Salary: $3,200,000.00. Time to send this schmuck to Batavia. And send Pat Gillick with him to work the concession stand.

5. The Alleged Offensive Powerhouse
All off-season, we heard how the Phils offense was the best in the majors, not cause for concern, the team's strong point, etc. Now they are .233 with runners in scoring position and can't seem to hit when it matters.

4. Ryan Howard
It's not solely his fault because he is getting walked every other at-bat but if Howard continues to bat below .240 and Jimmy Rollins continues to hit six times the number of Ryan's home runs, it's going to be a looooong season.

3. The New York Mets
The Mets continue to pound on the Phillies in both the standings and in head-to-head matchups, continuing right where they left off last season.
And their 40 something pitcher is much better than our 40 something pitcher. Hard to believe that the Phils are close to being in contention for nothing more than a wild card in the middle of April.

2. 9674
The number of days since the Phillies won their last World Series. And for the record, you should keep this number handy: 2074. That's the number of days until the world will end according to Dutch Daulton.

1. The Bullpen
The worst collection of relievers in MLB. The painful part is that everyone knew this going into the season and nobody did a damn thing to fix the situation. Ryan Madson and his 6.00+ ERA makes me cringe every time he takes the ball. Chollie recently said "we need to fix our pen,"
to which a local writer replied "Manuel's best option may be disconnecting the phone line from the dugout to the bullpen."

I'll stop venting for now and sign off by saying that I look forward to reading a review of the Bill Giles book by someone other than Jayson Stark (who was paid to write the forward). Because I am really, really curious about how Mary Sue Styles and the other ballgirls from the Vet are doing these days. (Editor's note: I hate to rain on your already wet parade, Grossy, but I googled Mary Sue for you and.....nothing)

The Price is Right: Ted's Hockey Playoff Preview

Who knew? The hockey season is over and we are in the playoffs. Fortunately, my brother-in-law Ted did his usual preview so the rest of us would be informed.....Thank you Ted!

I am not sure many of you are aware of this, but the NHL did come back last season and continued on into this season. In fact, the playoffs start tonight. I know that may come as a shock to most people (Hockey? What is this "hockey" that you speak of?), because our little sport that could has been banished to the nether regions of basic cable (Versus) and an occasional game or two on a network that doesn't even have to pay for the right to broadcast the games (NBC). Which is a shame because this season has been one of the best in a while - and that's with scoring being down compared to last year. Only one playoff team in the Western Conference finished below 100 points (Calgary - 96), and up until the last week of the season, 4 teams were battling it out for the last playoff spot in the East (won on the last day in overtime by the NY Islanders).

All of the hype going into these playoffs center around Pittsburgh phenom Sydney Crosby and rightfully so. ESPN columnist John Buccigross wrote last week that Sydney Crosby is better at what he does than LeBron James is at what he does. And yet, few people outside of Pittsburgh even know who he is (My NHL!). For years, the NHL has labeled as many young stars the "next Wayne Gretzky" as the NBA has "the next Michael Jordan," and with similar results. But they may be on to something here. Crosby won the scoring title this year, helped keep the franchise from moving to Kansas City and could very well be the league MVP. Oh, and he turns 20 in August. If you have never seen him play, do yourself a favor and find Versus on your cable system (somewhere around the home shopping channels and the 24-hour religious sermon channels), and watch this kid. He's usually paired with this year's Rookie of the Year shoo-in Evgni Malkin - we may be seeing the second coming of Gretzky and Messier.

Anyway, onto the first-round predictions. I will start in the East because that is where all the hype is, even though my forte is in the West.

(1) Buffalo Sabres vs. (8) New York Islanders
The Sabres started the year hot and never looked back. Plus they have Chris Drury, and you can't win a Cup without him - just ask Colorado. The Islanders are going in with a third string goalie between the pipes, and they have the look of a team that is just happy to be here. Sabres in 4

(2) New Jersey Devils vs. (7) Tampa Bay Lightning
Two words: Martin Brodeur. Still strong, still a factor, still the only reason this team wins as many games as they do. Remember when the Lightning won the Cup three years ago? Neither does anyone else. Devils in 5

(3) Atlanta Thrashers vs. (6) New York Rangers
This is the series ripe for a first-round upset. The Thrashers are this year's surprise, and the last two Cup winners came from the Southeast Division. I think that streak ends here. Things turned around for the Rangers when they got Sean Avery (the most hated player in hockey) from the LA Kings in the middle of the season. They have a Cup veteran in Brendan Shanahan and their goalie Henrik Lundgvist has been impressive down the stretch. Rangers in 6

(4) Ottawa Senators vs. (5) Pittsburgh Penguins
This is the marquee match-up of the first round. It marks the playoff debut of the Penguins' young guns. And the Sens are trying to erase 345 years of high playoff expectations resulting in shattered dreams and dashed hopes. I think Ottawa gets it done only because of their playoff experience versus the Pens lack thereof - but it won't be easy. Senators in 7
Here's my theory on the Western Conference: because there is so much depth from top to almost the bottom (do they still play professional hockey in Chicago?), they tend to beat up on each other throughout the playoffs which is why there has been a bit of a drought in Cup-winning teams from the West lately. But the playoffs are all about surviving the grind. Especially the travel and the back-to-back nights. Amazing stat I read the other day: the last game the Devils played out of the Eastern Time Zone - December! Remarkable. Meanwhile, the Pacific Division stretches across three time zones.

On to the picks

(1) Detroit Red Wings vs. (8) Calgary Flames
This is a trap series for the Red Wings. They have had a nasty habit the last few seasons of getting beat in the first round. Meanwhile, if Mikka Kiprusoff can get hot, this could be another upset. I don't think so. The Flames backed into the playoffs, stumbled mightily down the stretch and can't win on the road. Red Wings in 5

(2) Anaheim Ducks vs. (7) Minnesota Wild
The Ducks started the year on a torrid pace which they needed to win the Pacific Division (got a little tight there at the end). Meanwhile, the Wild ended the season with the best record over the last 20 games in the NHL. Would you rather start strong or finish strong? The Wild have the offense with Marian Gaborik and Pavol Demitra, while the Ducks have the defense with Chris Pronger and Scott Neidermayer. What wins championships? Ducks in 7

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) Dallas Stars
Win it comes to the playoffs, usually the team with the hottest goalie wins it all or at least goes deep. No one has been better this season in goal than Vancouver's Roberto Luongo. No longer banished to the playoff-avoiding region of south Florida, Luongo has flourished and seems to enjoy the pressure and wants to be the guy the team depends on to win games. Meanwhile, the Stars goalie Marty Turco has only on playoff series win in 5 chances. And besides, me picking the Stars to win anything is like Dils cheering for T.O. - ain't gonna happen. Canucks in 6

(4) Nashville Predators vs. (5) San Jose Sharks
My Boys!!! When the Sharks traded for Joe Thornton in the middle of last season, it was a shot across the bow to the other teams in the West that the Sharks were no longer this nice little team that may surprise you, but a legitimate contender. When they landed Bill Guerin and Craig Rivet at the trade deadline, that was the message to the team that the time is now. Nashville has Peter Forsberg who you can never count out in the playoffs, but the Preds are a little banged up and stumbled a bit down the stretch playing against teams fighting for position in the playoffs. Sharks in 6

Not sure yet on an overall winner, but keep an eye on the Senators and Devils in the East and the Ducks and Sharks in the West.

This is gonna be fun.

NCAA Hoops Summary

I am going to try my best to get this blog fired back up. If anyone is interested in doing a guest column, please let me know, as I could use the content!

Overall, I was disappointed in the NCAA Tournament this year. In fact, in general, I thought it sucked. Few upsets, not enough buzzer beaters/great games, too many people that no nothing about hoops contending in their pools because it was all chalk, chalk, chalk. What makes the tournament great is a) exciting games, and b) upsets. We did not have enough of either.

While I have not been on the Ohio St. bandwagon for most of their 20+ game winning streak that was snapped last night, I was actually pretty impressed with them in defeat. In fact, I think OSU could beat Florida in a best of 7 series. The difference last night was that Florida hit a ton of threes, while the Buckeyes missed almost all of theirs. To me, this game was great support for Stitzer’s point that we need to move out the three point line, probably out 12-18” would more than do the trick, not necessarily the 5’ old Stitz is lobbying for. But the Bucks got nothing from Butler, Lewis, and Lighty, while Conley only came alive late to support just a monster effort from Oden (picture perfect coming after the over-rated sports guy spent paragraphs yesterday saying how he had not put together a great effort all year, and was unlikely to do it last night). Speaking of the sports guy, I would bet my house that he has not watched 15-16 Ohio State games this year like he claims. Hell, he did not watch 15-16 college basketball games the past 6 years excluding the tournament.

After watching the tournament, my top-12 NBA draft list is something like (this excludes any foreign prospects, although I am sure the sports guy has seen each of them play 15-16 times as well):
Greg Oden
Kevin Durant
Corey Brewer
Julian Wright
Al Horford
Brandon Wright
Mike Conley, Jr.
Acie Law, IV
Yannick Noah’s kid
Big Roy Hibbert
Tyler Hansbrough (he will not be a star but he will be solid for 12 years and plays with a huge motor and I think NBA teams are underrating him because of stupid things like “his arms are too short”)
Jeff Green

Tomorrow or Thursday I will be back to discuss the opening of baseball season. I am too depressed to tackle this now as the Philberts got off to their usual L on opening day by blowing a 3-2 lead in the 8th inning. Although who would not expect Edgar freaking Renteria to beat you with home runs in the 8th inning to tie the game and 10th inning to win it. Ugh.

One more quick baseball point. How can anyone hate the Yankees as much as the Red Sox anymore. After all, it is the Red Sox that now sign all the overpriced free agents (J.D. “the D is for dickhead” Drew for $70 million, are you serious?), not the Yankees. But we have 162 games to get into that….