Going Bowling

• Reggie Ball, the quarterback for Georgia Tech, is one of those guys who has not progressed like you would have expected him to. He is not much better today than he was as a Freshman. He will aggravate you even more because he shows flashes of what could be...
• Everybody seems ready to make the 2006 Heisman trophy a two man battle between Vince Young and Brady Quinn (if they both come back to school). I am telling you right now tat the guy to beat, if he stays healthy, is Adrian Peterson. The guy is just awesome, with speed to go the distance and power to run over you. He was hurt most of this year, but he will be tough to stop next year, especially if Rhett Bomar continues to progress as a QB so that defenses will not have the luxury of stacking the box with 8 or 9 guys.
• Another quarterback who has been a huge disappointment despite good stats is Brad Smith. There is a guy who is in my opinion worse than he was a couple years ago, but everyone raves about him because of empty stats.
• The Northwestern placekicker should not be allowed on the team plane back to Evanston. How can a kicker miss two extra points, a field goal, and be so bad that the team goes for it on fourth and goal from the 5 because their kicker stinks so much. All in the first half!
• Speaking of bowling, did you see the guy who rolled a perfect game and then dropped dead minutes later? How come this did not happen to Kurt Warner after the 1999 season?
• Having nothing to do with Bowl Games: If you need a movie to watch, and you like movies featuring heavy dialog, and you like Ed Burns, give Sidewalks of New York a whirl. And on the movie front Wedding Crashers comes out on DVD next week!!!
• In case anyone was wondering, I was not able to retrieve any of the songs on my iPod. And what happened to Johnny Greer? Surely somebody out there can answer this question.

Referees & Announcers: Two of a Kind

Receptionist: "Who are You?"
Fletch: "Frita's boss."
Receptionist: "And who is Frita?"
Fletch: "My secretary."

This was the best circular logic I had seen until I just found out the test they give perspective football officials is they make them announce a game as well as an existing announcer, and that announcers, in order to be hired, only have to referee a mock game as well as existing officials. OK, while this was a ridiculously poor effort just to use a Fletch quote, if it were true, it would justify how they can possibly all suck so bad.

Let's start with announcers. It is clear that I am not a big fan of Theisman, Maguire, and Patrick, as I have blasted them before on this blog. However, I should not pick on those guys so much. Almost all of them are terrible. Last night I had to listen to Andre Ware pronounce Jared Zabransky's name as "Zam-bransky" about 200 times. This is Boise State's quarterback and best player. How can he not be prepared to announce his name right in a bowl game, or in any game he is being paid to announce for that matter. It is atrocious. Chris Spielman is absolutely terrible. Listening to the sounds of a dentist's drill during a root canal is more pleasant than listening to Spielman announce a game. And you wonder why a guy like Keith Jackson can't retire in peace? It is because there are like 1,000 telecasts per season and about 3 good announcers.

(As a complete aside, speaking of Keith Jackson, I just watched the Woody Hayes punch game vs. Clemson from 1978, and Woody took a big round house right at the kid, they showed two replays of it, and Keith Jackson and Ara Parsegian NEVER mention that the head coach just hit a player from the other team. Classic!)

How hard can this be? There must be about 20 million Americans that would want these jobs. Surely they can find like 10 teams of people who would actually be good at it out of those 20 million.....

I make this offer to ESPN: Stitzer and I will do football games for half of what you are paying your least paid team next season, and I guarantee you we will be more enjoyable and knowledgeable than your current crop of gups. Guaranteed. If nothing else, we will clearly have a loyal following of viewers if readership of this blog is any indication. Lago, are you out there? Sports guy, are you reading this? Somebody please make this happen.

I would expect this to generate many comments on announcers that you think suck or the few who are actually good, so get those comments rolling...

Onto officials. I am so sick and tired of watching referees decide the outcome of games instead of the players on the field because they make blunder after blunder on big calls. It is embarrassing. The first problems here is that these officials are not full time refs. They are full time teachers, doctors, bankers and lawyers who are just trying to make a few extra bucks by officiating games on the weekends. This has to stop. These conferences need to hire full time officials who are dedicated to this profession full time.

Watching the Michigan/Nebraska game was brutal. If I were a Michigan fan, I may have had a stroke watching the refs rob my team of a game. Not that Michigan did not make a lot of mistakes or could not have won in spite of these calls, but you can definitely argue that the officating factored into this outcome. It was deplorable. These clowns had no control over the game. Just once, I want to see someone like Lloyd Carr say "We made mistakes, but overall, the refs sucked. They cost us the game. We worked our butts off all year nd had this game taken from us because the refs could not do their job competently. They should all be fired." I think if Jim Mora, Sr. got hired by a Division 1-A college, we could have this result at some point within his first four games as a coach.

In the meantime, they may as well have the officials start announcing the games, and vice versa.

Book Review: Michael Palmer: The Society

For those of you not familiar with Michael Palmer's work, he has written 11 (I think) fictional medical thrillers. His books are always fast-paced and exciting. I also like that I feel like I am learning a little bit about a subject while I read a fictional tale. Palmer always accomplishes that. The Society, his most recent release (11/2004, paperback 8/2005), is no exception.

It is the story of Will Grant, divorced overworked surgeon and Patty Moriarity, rookie cop, trying to team up to take down a serial killer whose victims are all heads of powerful HMOs. Complicating the plot are the fact that Grant is an outspoken member of the Hippocrates Society, who reject HMOs and their way of practicing medicine from a business point of view and not from what is best for the patient. He is a suspect himself, although Moriarity of course rejects that then falls in love with him.

The book presents many effective plot twists and turns and keeps the reader on his or her toes throughout. While there are of course some sections where the reader is forced to suspend disbelief, and the whole love twist does seem a bit forced, overall this book was much more enjoyable than Follett's Whiteout that we discussed last week.

If you have not read Palmer before, he is a pretty consistently strong author, so I would recommend any of his stuff, particularly The Patient, Critical judgment, or Miracle Cure. Whether you are new to Palmer or not, I recommend The Society as worthy of your fiction rotation. Add it to the list. Dils grade: B+.

Next on the reading list: A Small Death in Lisbon by Robert Wilson (recommended by Barry Bredt) and Secret Sanction by Brian Haig (recommended by Goldie)

Jeff Reardon, the Blown Save

Jeff Reardon, who is sixth all time on Major League Baseball's Saves list with 312, evidently was good at saving everything but the money he made on the field. Reardon was arrested yesterday in Florida for robbing a jewelry store of $170 in cash. Reardon of course was blaming his medication. Why is it when these athletes mess up there is always someone or something to blame other than themselves? On the rare occasion when someone steps up and says "I blew it, I knew this was wrong and I simply made a mistake, no excuses. I am seeking help for my issues", they automatically get compassion from me, because by comparison to the 99% of other high profile criminals, they at least show remorse and point the finger at themselves.

It is alleged that Reardon, who made more than $11.5 million in his career, did not need the money. That would be like saying Barry Bonds did not need the steroids to hit all those home runs. Maybe, but he took them, so every record he sets should be erased. But I digress.

If I bought a professional sports franchise (yes, you can insert a joke of your choice here), the first thing I would do, after calling all my friends to tell them I got into Dan Snyder's Fantasy League, would be to hire a financial advisor to help these kids making millions of dollars plan how to keep their money safe and secure for life. Not one of these high tech slick guys. I would hire someone who could get to their level of understanding and get the players involved in their future. This is important. Too many athletes are losing their money and have no skills on which to fall back to earn more. Then they rob jewelry stores for $170.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to call Ron Guidry back so we can knock off a liquor store.

Digesting Turkey & the Bengals....December 27, 2005 column

• We lost one-third of our participants in the Win or Die Pool to the Bengals this weekend. That's right, the Bengals, 11-3 on the season, lost AT HOME to the lowly Buffalo Bills, who were 0-6 on the road this season, including losses to New Orleans (who does not even have a home) by 12 and Oakland by 21. At least Chad Johnson was giving out Christmas gifts when he scored. Assuming each of the 16 losers (which included me, so yes, this is ALL about sour grapes) spent 1.25 hours each week researching, debating, and discussing their pick, and then 3.25 hours sweating out the game itself, then another 30 minutes relishing in (bragging about) their win (or in this case, crushing loss), each of the 16 Bengal selectors has spent 80 hours this season on the win or die pool. That is a collective 53+ days, or almost TWO MONTHS, of collective time chasing the dream, of becoming Dils Win or Die Champion, all crushed in three short hours by a team that was evidently too focused on making team videos and handing out footballs in the end zone to worry about actually trying to secure a first round bye. So, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but he doesn't live in Cincinnati, and he does not wear #85.
• If Santa Claus doe not live in Cincinnati, then by definition he did not attend the game when fans threw snowballs in the field and Sam Wyche yelled "You Don't Live in Cleveland, You Live in Cincinnati."
• There have abeen a couple good bowl games so far, with Nevada beating George O'Leary's UCF Knights in Overtime on a missed PAT, after Central Florida rallied from down 10 in the final minute of regulation to tie it. Last night, Memphis hung on to withstand a spirited rally by Akron behind the last underrated, tremendous performance in an amazing career from D'Angelo Williams. Look for some NFL team to be very pleased they drafted this kid as he will be a star on the next level.
• Nobody got back to me on Johnny Greer's whereabouts, which proves one of two things: 1) Nobody knows what the hell happened to Johnny Greer, or 2) Nobody reads these columns!!!
• I love my iPod, but I have to tell you, they do not have good fail-safes for people like me from screwing their system up. I accidentally deleted my entire iPod library of over 1,200 songs over the weekend (songs I spent hours/days downloading from my CDs or paying for from itunes). I think this happened right after the Bengal game. Needless to say, I had a joyous Saturday.
• '24' is the best show on television. It is simply riveting and action packed for all 24 of its episodes. For any of you who haver not yet gotten hooked, I urge you to set aside two hours on each of January 15th and 16th to watch the first four episodes of the new season on Fox. I would bet every one of you who gives this show that chance will be hooked. Personally, I cannot wait to see Jack Bauer back in action. Keifer Sutherland does a great job in that role.
• Sirius has not done a good job surrounding the consumer with Howard Stern messages. This is their $500 million gamble. Anyone who has ever been in brand management and launched a new product knows that you only get one chance and a very small window after a product launch to build momentum or you are doomed. I figured we would be seeing a barrage everywhere we looked with Howard Stern offers, but it has been relatively quiet (yes, some ads, but they are not hitting you over the head with it). There should have been messages everywhere, including paid media, public relations, promotions, etc. Maybe they have no money for this stuff after paying Howard. I am guessing that subscriber growth will be less than analysts are looking for. I hope not, as I am looking forward to January 9th, and Howard's debut!
• Question: who is in line for the first pick in the draft if Houston beats San Fran this week (obviously the Texans get the pick if 49ers win)? I think the Jets, New Orleans, Green Bay, and San Francisco could all somehow get it, but nobody seems to have clarified it....
• Great college hoops game tonight with Gonzaga facing Memphis. Look for the Tigers to win at home. Mark Few seems to ghave gone to the Tom Izzo school of scheduling, as their schedule has been brutal to date. With their conference being weak this year, it will be interesting to see how that helps them with seeding and on the court in March.

Ken Follett, Odds & Ends

• I just finished the Ken Follett book called Whiteout. The storyline itself is interesting, as thieves try to break into a science lab and steal a deadly virus that could create a major epidemic in the world. However, Follett relies too heavily on a weak romantic side story, there are not ample plot twists that grab you, and overall the characters do not captivate you. If you have not read Follett, I would eagerly point you in the direction of Pillars of the Earth, Eye of the Needle or A Place Called Freedom. If you have read those books, I would tell you to stay away from this one, as I felt this book, while a quick read, was nowhere near the author's best stuff. Overall grade: C+.
• Shavlik Randolph is getting more time on the 76ers than he would have at Duke, and he is playing great basketball. He is healthy, and it is enabling him to rebound like a madman (he is 2nd in the NBA with almost 18 rebounds per 48 minutes) and provide the team with a huge energy boost when he comes in the game. Keep going Shav, the Dukies are rooting for you!
• The Tony Dungy story is clearly tragic. I know we will all be disappointed when the media hops on the inevitable stories come playoff time about how Dungy is coping with the loss and leading the Colts. I wish the media would give he and his family their space on this, but you know we will be hearing all about it into February.
• The New York Transit strike proves two things: first, unions are ridiculous and should be abolished. I mean who do they benefit besides lining their own pockets (and I mean of their big wigs not the lowly members). What poor timing to hold a city hostage like that. Second, the government should be ashamed of itself. I thought this was a free country, and they basically held a gun to the workers' heads to force them back to work. Are they going to start telling them when they can and cannot go to the bathroom next? All sides should be ashamed of themselves in this instance. What a mess....
• If you want to see a good Johnny Damon rant, check the sports guy's new column (not yet released, but should be within an hour or two) on www.espn.com (go to the Simmons tab on the front page). I am sure he will somehow tie in his NFL picks with the Johnny Damon signing.

Happy Holidays to everyone!!!

Stitzer's Take: The Damon Signing

The following is the take on the Yankees signing of Johnny Damon by old Stitzer:

As a Yankee fan, my first reaction, as it should have been was "what the $&*&(^%$^? - I HATE Damon!!!" The post-1980 sports fan needs to deal with the fact that players you despise may very well end up on your team. Yet another reason Free Agency sucks, but that is a discussion for another day.

So much for Bubba Crosby, he had a shorter stint as the starting center fielder for than Yankees than Bud Fox did as the President of Blue Star Airlines. Damon's arm is arguably weaker than Bernie Williams, but he does cover more ground. From a defensive standpoint, there is a slight upgrade - which is not saying much as DiMaggio & Mantle must have turned over in their graves at the way CF was patrolled (or not patrolled) in 2005. Offensively, this was a great move. Despite the fact that Jeter has been a more than adequate lead-off hitter, Damon's move to the top of the order is a huge upgrade - for the #2 spot. Jeter's bat control and willingness to punch the ball to right field makes him ideally suited to bat 2nd. It also moves everyone else down a spot in the order, and gets rid of the constant juggling of Cano, Bernie, A-Rod, and Matsui out of the 2-hole spot. The 2006 lineup projects as this
Damon CF
Jeter SS
A-Rod 3B
Giambi DH
Sheff RF
Matsui LF
Jorge C
Cano 2B
Insert name of veteran guy to play solid D @ 1B
This lineup has chance to score well over 1,000 runs

Another reason why I like the move is that it hurts Boston - as a matter of fact, it should kill them according to the biased leader of their fan base: Bill Simmons. Lets see if biased Bill is writing columns in August 2006 that are plugging Damon for MVP. Cannot wait to see his column later today when he justifies that this is a GREAT move for Boston and TERRIBLE move for the Yankees.

The final reason, and arguably the most important reason, why I like the move is that it got a roaring seal of approval from the most knowledgeable Yankee fan on the planet, Paul Stitzer - my Dad. We are talking about a man who saw Gherig play once, DiMaggio dozens of times, and was sitting next to a 9-year old kid in the upper deck in 1976 when Chris Chambliss went deep off of Mark Littell. His definition of "great" is slightly different than Mike Patrick's, who happens to say "what a great great play after every 4 yard run." I asked my Dad the following question "if this team stays healthy, does it have a shot to make run at the 114-win 1998 team?" "Absolutely" was his answer.

October 2006 - look for the World Championship trophy to be back where it belongs: THE BRONX

Top 10 List

In the spirit of having nothing better to write about, I proudly present my Top 10 Professional Athletes/Coaches that are Most Likely to Make a Successful Transition to Pro Wrestling....

#10. Terrell Owens. T.O. would be the perfect fit into the world of Pro Wrestling. He is brilliant a self promotion and fantastic at creating controversy. Can't you just see him being led down the aisle by his manager, former Super Agent Drew Rosenhaus? I am just trying to figure out what his special hold would be to beat Hugh Douglas.....

#9. Barry Bonds. Look at it from this angle. He is already up to speed on the years of steroids it would take to get into "wrestling shape", so he cuold be fighting for a title in no time at all.

#8. Tai Domi. Since he must be getting frustrated with the more wide open style of play, a foray into the wrestling world could be an exciting change for Domi.

#7. Manny Ramirez. The wrestling world could always use one more wack job. He could be a good guy, and then a couple times a year for no reason at all, just flip out and be a psychopath for a few weeks before calming down again.

#6. Michelle Wie. When she turns 18, she will be the perfect wrestling diva. She is strong, since she hits the golf ball further than most men, especially me and Fred Funk. She is attractive. And is you put Michael Bamberger, Sprts Illustrated reporting buffoon in the stands, it is not hard to envision her exploding into a rage. I could see her in a love triangle story line with 2a and 2b (see below).

#5. Alex Rodriguez. He would go undefeated in all his matches except championship bouts, where he could sport a lifetime record of 0-11.

#4. "Jonathan the Giant" Ogden. Andre the Giant has been dead for a while now. Who better to replace him that this guy, who may be the only guy on the planet close to Andre's size.

#3. Mike Tice. First the guy challenges players on his own team to a fight. Now he calls out all his own fans for scalping tickets to the Steeler game to Steelers fans. Isn't this the same guy who less than a year ago got fined $100,000 for scalping his Super Bowl tickets? He should probably move further up the list.

#2a and 2b. Kobe Bryant and Shaq. A Kobe/Shaq matchup at WrestleMania would be worth hundreds of millions. Just think of the storyline. Kobe (allegedly) rapes Shaq's sister, Shaq finds out, and all hell breaks loose. Then Kobe could allegedly pay Shaq's sister $5 million in hush money and she could appear in Kobe's corner for the bout.

#1. Ron Artest. Needs absolutely zero explanation, plus he needs something to do right now.

December 19, 2005 Column

• Remember bowl pool is due Tuesday at 5:00 pm et. Email me with questions.
• In the first annual "Joe Theisman Who Can Kiss the Most Ass by Spewing the Most Ridiculously Positive Comments" award, we have identified Sterling Sharp and Paul Maguire as finalists. Sharp, in Saturday's Bills/Broncos game, compared the Bills J.P. Losman, Willis Magahee and Lee Evans to, are you ready, Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, and Edgerrin James. Vowing not to be outdone, Maguire made his bid for the award early in Sunday's Bears/Falcons tilt, when he said that Brian Urlacher would end up being better than Dick Butkis and Mike Singletary. Stay tuned, this promises to be a close vote.
• Talk about out of sight, out of mind. After years of watching officials butcher games, I do not even notice when they disappear. Does anyone know what happened to Johnny Greer? I just realized I have not seen him all season. I would ask what happened to Phil Luckett too, but I am sure he is sleeping with the fishes by now....
• Chris Simms does not seem like he will ever be an above-average quarterback. I am not sure if it is his decision making, lack of leadership, or the fact that his helmet looks three sizes too big for his head, but he does not strike he as a guy who can be a winner. It dates back to his days at Texas, when he had the most talent, but clearly was not as good a quarterback as Major Applewhite (playing Simms over Applewhite at all was one of Mack Brown's worst coach ing decisions, other than taking the head coaching job at UNC). Look for Simms to be in Gruden's doghouse by end of next year, and maybe never regain a starting job in the league after that.
• Speaking of bad quarterbacks, Michael Vick is below average at his position. In other words, he is the most over-hyped, over-rated player in the league. His accuracy is frigteningly erratic, and when you take away his running, as the Bears did last night, he is next to worthless. As I said in my October 12th column, I believe Matt Schaub has the capabilities to be a very good quarterback. Therefore, if I were the Atlanta GM, I would trade Vick this offseason for a strong wide receiver, offensive lineman, and linebacker or safety. That would upgrade me at four positions, and I would be ready to win the Super Bowl in the 2007 season, in Schaub's second full year as starter. The only question is whether Warrick Dunn can hold up at his current level for two more years. Of course, this will not happen, as they will stick with Vick and probably never even get back to the NFC Championship game.
• And finally on quarterbacks, it appears as if the Kyle Orton era is over in Chicago, at least until Rex Grossman gets hurt again in about 2 weeks. Did you see the way the offense sparked when Grossman came in the game? I feel bad for Orton, who in my opinion did a nice job in a tough spot, but he had taken this team as far as he could....
• Does anyone realize, or care, that the Winter Olympics start in less than 8 weeks? Does anyone know where they even are being held, much less who the favorite in the luge is?
• The Colts lost yesterday, and will probably lose again next week in a meaningless non-conference game on the road on a different surface (the Seahags play on grass now don't they?) against a team who needs the game to clinch home field. All that being said, when the playoffs rev up, they will be beating teams by 30 points and nobody will care about what happened in Weeks 15 & 16.
• Jim Haslett gets my award for Bigger Balls than AC/DC. Here is a guy who is in his 6th season as a head coach, has a career record of under 48% (45-49), has been to the playoffs a whopping one time in 6 years, and he not only wants to keep coaching, but wants a five year extension with total football control (i.e., he wants to play GM as well as coach). If I were this guy, I would be using the hurricane as an excuse why I should get another year, and not asking for more money, more controls, and a five year deal. This guy was up against a tough situation this year, and failed miserably at holding his team together. This team could have rallied around each other and been competitive, but instead they are a dismal 3-11. Yes, I think they have been screwed by the league (especially for giving the Giants an extra home game by making them play at NY), but Haslett has been as he has in every other facet of his coaching career, mediocre at best.
• Shavlik Randolph is getting more minutes a 76er this season than he would have at Duke. I guess his going pro early was not such a bad idea. He has snatched 22 rebounds in just 34 minutes the last two games. Keep it up, Shavlik!
• Duke and St. John's meet up this week in a rivalry that has lost a little luster in the last few years. Stitzer promises me Norm Roberts is shaping up the Red Storm program and that they will again be competitive within two years.
• Here is wishing everybody a Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah! Have a safe, happy and healthy holiday season!!!

Passing of Senator Proxmire

The country lost a great politician when it lost William Proxmire, who served Wisonsin in the Senate from 1957 - 1989. You know the guy represented the opposite of what I cannot stand about the inefficient, wasteful, hatelful partisan politics that exist today when the following reprersents the joint views of Mike Kaufman, a staunch conservative and myself, a moderate:

The death of Senator William Proxmire at the age of 90 is a reminder of what really ails our great country today---too much partisan politics and not enough compromise. Proxmire was a well respected Democrat who created the Golden Fleece Awards--awards that publicized frivolous government expenditures.

Proxmire was a politician that was well respected on both sides of the aisle and even had the courage to negate the appropriation of funds for projects in his own state that he viewed as frivolous. He also did not accept campaign donations--certainly a foreign concept in today's day and age and probably another source of wasteful spending in this country. In fact, for his final campaign into the senate in 1982, he registered less than $150 in campaign expenses, then won in a landslide.

Proxmire's behavior should represent the norm in politics instead of such a glaring exception. Rest in Peace, Seantor, may we have learned something from your teachings.

Kauf's Take: Going Out on Top--The Last Day of Terrestrial Radio with Howard

The account below is from my buddy Mike Kaufman, who attended Howard Stern's last show on Free Radio. I am sure if nothing else, it will encourage Stitzer to respond how much of a scumbag Howard is. $500 million later, I am not sure Howard cares what Stitzer thinks......

I had the pleasure of attending the Howard Stern Rally this morning outside K-Rock headquarters in New York on Howard's last day broadcasting on terrestrial radio. For Stern fans, the conclusion of his 20 plus years on WXRK in New York lived up to the hype and did not disappoint. Despite the threat of a transit strike and a good soaking last night and through the beginning of this morning's program, thousands of Stern fans filled 56th Street in Manhattan from 5th Avenue to 6th Avenue, while others were left wrapped around the block.
All the regulars were there, King of All Blacks, Beetlejuice, Wendy the Retard, Gary the Retard, MaryAnn from Brooklyn, John the Stutterer, etc. And yes, there were plenty of shapely young women who were more than happy to display their tatties. This was Mardi Gras in NYC. Fans flew in from all around the country. I met people from Boston, Seattle, Texas and Philadelphia amongst others.

Arriving at 3:30 am I was able to station myself outside the entrance way to the K-Rock building before being requested to join the rest of Howard's many fans out on the street, where I had the opportunity to speak with King of All Blacks, Riley and Shuli. I was positioned less than 5 feet from Baba Booey as he interviewed an exposed young lady shortly after 6 am (the first of the day to be interviewed live and topless) and got to see Sal the Stockbroker come down shortly thereafter and successfully request others to show their ample assets. It was also memorable to see Benjy running in at 5:50 (just beating the clock) and Artie arriving after the show had already started and getting interviewed by Gary about his whereabouts.
Shortly thereafter, security discovered that I was in a restricted zone and I joined the rest of Howard's loyal fans out on the street where people were universally having a great time. Instead of hearing complaints about the wet conditions, people were more intent on getting others to put down their umbrellas and just soak up the rain--it's only water after all.

The speeches by Howard's family and Fred, Artie, Gary, Robin and Howard were heartfelt and truly appreciative of the fans and of each other. Artie's mentioning that he first got turned on to Howard after listening with his father and wrapping up by saying that his biggest regret about his father passing away was that he didn't get the chance to hear Artie on Howard's show was indicative of the personal feelings that these folks have for their work and is why many fans keep tuning in. Howard's concluding speech about being the last of a dying breed and standing up against the FCC and finding a way to beat them at their own game before thanking all his fans was also the perfect ending for 20 years at K-ROCK that truly revolutionized radio as we all know it today. He was truly gracious to all, even Tom Chiusano his longtime GM and really went out on top.

Long live the King of All Media.

Odds & Ends

• Sad note that Darrell Russell died yesterday. Potential unrealized.
• If we thought Donovan McNabb's deal with the devil expired, Daunte Culpepper's not only expired but negotiations on an extension were contentious enough that he made the devil mad. I mean he went from all world QB and person, to stinking, getting hurt, watching the team immediately win every game without him, to getting charged for alleged lewd behavior. If you listen closely, you can hear the leader of the Philadelphia NAACP blaming Daunte for turning his back on his own race, bringing on his own demise. This year can be called revenge of the star, ostracized receiver, as Moss and TO must just be laughing hysterically at this point
• Selfish move by Randall on the Apprentice last night. He had a chance after he secured his job to get Rebecca one too and he basically told her to screw off. He made some ridiculous claim that the show is called the Apprentice, singular and not the Apprenti, plural. I guess he did get caught off guard, but he should have taken the high road and given her the thumbs up.
• Last day for Howard Stern today on regular radio. He played a classic bit with the original appearance by the late, great Hank, the angry drunken dwarf. Classic. Sign up now for Sirius so you will be ready for the debut performance on 1/9/06. One interesting question: will Howard be as funny when there are no bounds, or is part of his winning formula that he is always pushing boundaries without stepping over the line. Will he be negatively affected by having no line to step on? Time will tell.....
• For those in Philly used to listening to WIP and the most annoying, condescending buffoon on the radio, Howard Eskin, there is a great alternative now at 950 AM. Jody MacDonald (Jody Mac) is on against Howard, and so much more enjoyable. IN addition, they simulcast the Jim Rome show each day.
• 40+ degrees out today. I need to get my sunscreen and get up to the roof for some rays...

Aaron Brooks & Some Cowards

Let me begin by saying that I am not a big Aaron Brooks fan. I did not think he was very good at UVa, and I think he has never progressed into a better than average quarterback in the NFL. He has had some flashes, like '03 when he threw for 24 TDs against only 8 picks, and almost 4,000 yards, but never in a season has he had even a 90.0 quarterback rating. So, in summary, not terrible, not the guy that can carry your franchise to the Super Bowl on his back.

With that said, I find it incredibly cowardly of the Saints, or the NFL, or whoever is actually making these decisions, that after 82 straight starts, he suddenly, with no explanation, gets benched for the remainder of the season, replaced in the starting lineup by Todd Bouman. Now it would be one thing if they had a guy like Phillip Rivers or Alex Smith that they had to get into the lineup to get him some experience and see what he could do, but Bouman is a journeyman quarterback who has been in the league for 8 seasons. He even started a couple for the Vikings back in 2001 if I recall correctly. Bottom line, Bouman is not their QB of the future and they know it.

So benching Brooks can be attributed to only one thing: that Brooks came out and bad mouthed the NFL and how they treated his team in the wake of Katrina. The NFL does not like to be critiqued by its own (imagine if David Stern were the commissioner, Brooks may have been deported by now), and they and their clubs want to hush any problems before they start. I also find it curious of the timing in which the league announced that it was giving a bonus (a.k.a., hush money) of $40,000 to each member of the Saints for having to endure the hardships associated with the Hurricane.

While I am not, and likely never will be, an Aaron Brooks supporter, I do think he got a raw deal just for being candid with his feelings on how he and his teammates were treated this season.

Donny Mac

Less than 11 months ago, Donovan McNabb was on top of the world. He had led his team to the Super Bowl in a town where football is king, and he had done it without his star receiver. He owned Philly! Since then, he got tired in the Super Bowl, had to endure the T.O. fiasco on the field, got a sports hernia (whatever that is) in the first half of the first game of the season, tried to play through pain and stunk, and now, to top things off, evidently after lengthy consultation with Rush Limbaugh, he is being called out for playing the race card by Philadelphia NAACP leader J. Whyatt Mondesire. I mean is this guy T.O.'s cousin? What is going on here? Perhaps Donny, as Mondesire refers to him, should talk to Kurt Warner about how to cope with things after your deal with the devil expires. I guess Mondesire is trying to say that McNabb hates African Americans because his play on the field is trying to distance himself from stereotypes associated with this race. This is so ridiculous, my only takeaway from this is that Mondesire is more desperate for attention than Michael Bamberger, the moron reporter frmo Sports Illustrated who waited a day before exposing Michelle Wie's possible infraction. As Eagle fans, we can only hope McNabb re-ups his deal with the devil in the offseason so we can get back to falling just short in the champinoship chase!

One additional note: Wednesday is a terrible tv night. I watched the NBA (you know how much I love the NBA) for about 12 seconds before I heard Bill Walton (who almost makes it worth watching) say "Diop makes Dallas fans forget about Shawn Bradley." I think if you quizzed Dallas fans eight seconds after Shawn Bradley retired, you would have an awareness level of about 2%. Then I turn on Martha Stewart Apprentice for 12 seconds before I wanted to hang myself. Fortunately, I then found South Park, in which the words "I always knew Cartman's mom was a slut" were uttered in the first 12 secnods after I tuned in. Needless to say, I watched the end of the episode....

White Sox Wisdom?

Ken Williams, the White Sox GM, put together a rotation last year that had the most impressive starting pitching run in the postseason in the last 30 years, with Contreras, Garcia, Buehrle, and Garland throwing all but 2/3 of an inning in the entire series against the Angels, and following it up with an excellent Series as well. Based on that, why would he trade El Duque, a great 5th starter and clutch pitcher extraordinaire, for another starter, Javier Vazquez. They also had to give up a reliever and an outfield prospect to get Vazquez. From the outside, this looks like a bad move in which he is tinkering with a good thing (ask Theo Epstein how that works out!) and does not get back much of an advantage in return. He also traded a gold glove center fielder for an aging, broken down Jim Thome to DH for him, another questionable move, especially since he made the Phillies GM look good with that one. But Williams made every right move last year, so he deserves the benefit of the doubt...for now.

December 13, 2005 Column

· First, a shout out to my buddy Bernie for coming through with 12th row, center court tickets for the Duke/Texas game at the Meadowlands on Saturday. What an awesome performance by the Blue Devils, as they dominated a very good Texas team, because the best player in the country, J.J. Redick, just took his game to a whole new level and could not be stopped, with 41 points on 9 three pointers. This Duke team promises to be inconsistent at times this year, but will be a very tough out in March, as Redick wants a title very, very badly. And, yes, that was me last week who thought Duke would have a tough time winning unless their hustle and perimeter defense improved markedly during practice last week. I guess it is safe to say after a 31 point drubbing that Coach K got after thee guys a bit. Thank you Bernie for including me in a great day.
· I had a question on my e-trade account, so I called e-trade this week, and someone answered my call within one minute. After they asked for my account information (which I had already entered into the automated system, what is the point if they need to ask for it again), they identified me as an important customer and told me to hold for a specialist. 25 minutes later, despite being told every 90 seconds (I counted) that my call was important to them, I remained on hold and finally hung up. Surely in 2005 companies can be better than this at customer service. Ridiculous. I never have this problem when I call my buddy Kevin New, super broker at Morgan Stanley and still alive in this pool, for help with my Morgan Stanley account….and believe me I am not even on the Morgan Stanley radar screen but they still treat me with respect. If anyone wants Kevin’s number, let me know.
· Alfonso Soriano can kiss my backside (I have to watch my language on these things or the General Mills filter will block my email, can they start worrying about selling more cereal please and boosting my stock price). He is just another example of the inmates running the asylum. I mean no longer is making kajillions to play a game enough for these clowns, now they think they can dictate what positions they will and will not play, where in the batting order they will and will not hit, etc. If I were Frank Robinson, his new manager with the Nationals, I would tell him to shut his pie hole and that he can play where you tell him to play or he can go home without pay (he can get his shinebox while he is there…). And, now, from the typical egocentric athlete who cares about himself more than winning to the completely and utterly insane……
· Ron Artest is back in the news. As I stated in my October 12th update, “this promises to end badly.” Two months later, Artest is demanding a trade from the team that stuck by him (not that they had a choice) after he a) asked for time off to promote his rap album, and b) was pretty much responsible for the ugliest incident in the history of the NBA. Why does he want a trade? Because he does not like playing for his coach, who evidently does not understand that Artest has a mismatch every time he gets the ball no matter who is guarding him, and does not work the ball to him on every possession. The pacers President promises to try to accommodate Artest and trade him. I am sure there are lots of GMs out there who will give fair value to get this guy on their team. I wonder if Alfonso Soriano would play small forward?
· The University of Colorado is laughable. Gary Barnett keeps his job as head football coach after a rape and recruiting scandal, and on top of it all showing a complete lack of class and sensitivity when he called Katie Hnida an “awful” kicker who “could not kick the ball through the uprights.” Then three weeks ago the two sides were negotiating a contract extension. Three games later, the last two by a combined 100-6 score, Barnett was forced out. If there is any clearer message anywhere in college that winning at all costs is all that matters, I have not seen it. You would think for a school with this mentality, they should be better than they are. If you are going to sacrifice your integrity as a school, at least be good….
· I said in my October 18th that Reggie Bush is the best back of the past 20 years in college fb. Since that time, he has gotten even better, with just sick games against Fresno and UCLA. The Heisman voters gave him the highest percentage of votes in the history of the award. He promises to be one of the best pros in a long time……and in typical Jet fashion, they blew any chance of getting him by actually winning a game this week. If you listen carefully, you can still hear Stitzer grumbling about this!!!!
· With all the technology available to us today, surely there must be a better solution to marking the spot in football games than these old refs running up and down the sideline estimating where forward progress got to. I mean I have seen these guys off by as many as two full yards, and being off by a half-yard or a yard seems to be the norm. And watching them trying to determine a touchdown and sometimes giving a signal 10 or 15 seconds after a play ends is just maddening. Somebody, somewhere, please invent some sort of gizmo that can accurately, quickly and efficiently get the spot of the ball right.
· I have not seen ratings for Monday Night Football, but they must be awful. The games the past several weeks have been some of the worst in recent memory. At least they have Green ay at Baltimore next week to salvage, er, never mind.
· Rest in Peace, Richard Pryor. You were one funny dude……
· Just to see if Kalinock is still reading at this point, congratulations to the University of Maryland for winning the Men’s Soccer Championship (to go with the field hockey title earlier this fall)……