An Open Letter to Florida State Seminole Basketball Fans

Dear Florida State fans:

Congratulations on your exciting and important college basketball win last night over the #1 team in the land, the Duke Blue Devils. With an NCAA tournament bid on the line, your club played with tenacity and incredible heart while executing flawlessly. This should punch your ticket to the Big Dance, no matter what Joe Lunardi says. And just so you know, we as Duke fans will be rooting hard for your success once you get there, as we do all our ACC brethren (except sometimes secretly Carolina, shhhh). We hope you will return the favor and root for us to win it all once your ride has ended.

As experts in crowd participation, I, on behalf of the Dukies, wanted to help you out with some advice so that next time you can get your celebration just right. I think we can all agree it just missed last night, kind of like Shaq and his typical free throw attempt. First of all, I know that Florida State is a public institution that does not quite have the academic credentials of Duke. However, I am all but certain that there are at least some elementary math classes that can teach you the basics. In a nutshell, the game is over when the clock gets to 0.0 (if it helps think of it as follows: “the game ends when the time matches Blutarski’s grade point average: Zero Point Zero). Until that point, you may want to avoid rushing the court. You have to admit, it would have been a tad embarrassing had your blunder cost your team the game. I wonder how that might have affected student – athlete relations on campus.


Next, just a thought, but it may be more impressive to act like you have been there before. I am fairly confident that the Cameron Crazies will never rush the court if we are fortunate enough in the future to beat the Seminoles in a home game. You guys have beaten Duke three of the last five years in the Leon County Civic Center (is that still where you play?), act like you expect it, not like it is the biggest moment in school history since Burt Reynolds got the lead in Cannonball Run. Maybe with the football team losing five games this year and Bobby Bowden being older than the cold cuts they use at the deli next door, this really was a watershed moment. But still.

Another piece of advice: if you do insist on rushing the court, you may want to cut out the “Over-rated” cheer. If we are so overrated, and not all that good, what in the world are you rushing the court in the first place for? Look at it as a chance to show how good you are, not how bad or overrated we are.

In summary, successful poker players never let their opponents see their “tell” sign. Mike McD. was able to take down Teddy KGB after he figured out his tell and got inside his head. So, don’t eat OREO’s while you play poker, and don’t rush the court when you win anything less than an ACC or National Championship. It kind of tells people you don’t expect that much out of yourself.

One more thing. As long as I mentioned Bobby Bowden before, if you see him around campus, please tell him how badly I feel for him that his granddaughter allegedly has naked pictures of her floating around the Internet, which of course you can find very easily by just googling “Lauren Bowden.” I mean especially in the spread eagle position she is sitting in, just posing for the camera, this must be very embarrassing for the Bowden family, so please send my thoughts.
Thanks for listening. We will look forward to continued brotherhood and sportsmanship in the near future. Oh, and by the way, if we ever beat you in football, we are rushing the field!

Best Regards,

Dils

Note: Picture courtesy of espn.com