California Fires, Global Warming, Philly Uglies, Why Reid & Getson Cost the Eagles, & Why I should be the Next Manager of the New York Yankees

First of all, to anyone that is being affected by the fires in California, please accept my thoughts and prayers for your safety and the preservation of your homes and belongings. This is an unfortunate reminder that sometimes we have no control over the course of events in our lives. Hopefully everybody comes out unscathed and with an appreciation for the things we all sometimes take for granted.

Maybe this global warming thing is not so bad. It has been in the 70's and 80s the entire month of October. Beeeeeee-youuuuuuu-teeee-full. We should have all been using aerosol sprays a lot earlier on! At this rate, Minneapolis will be the most populated city in the country by the end of this century.

A year ago, I wrote about an outstanding boy's trip in which we went to Tampa for the Eagle/Tampa game and a weekend of debauchery. One of the points that I made was that the women in Tampa, ON AVERAGE, were a lot more attractive than the women in Philadelphia. I even used some visual evidence to prove my point in a statistically significant manner at a 95% confidence level (David E. Williams, how about the market research shtick...). However, a few people were offended, saying that a) I was a pig, and b) I was wrong, they knew lots of pretty women in the city of brotherly shove. Well, a year later, I am vindicated. Click here or here to see Philly aesthetics attacked.

So I spent Sunday at the Eagles game. The first half of the day was outstanding. Nice tailgate, plenty of Captain, good barbecue, a football and plenty of sunshine made for an optimistic group of Bird fans. Then the game started. This team just does not have it. The defense has played solid football the entire season (until the last 1:53 but I will get to that in a minute), but special teams have been poor and the offense simply does not have the tools to score enough points to win in this league. While the fans love to blame McNabb, it is NOT his fault. He actually looks pretty good less than a year removed from major knee surgery. The problem is that he has no receivers that can beat man coverage, and without guys that can get open, it then limits Westbrook's effectiveness. The offensive line has been beat up and not performed well, and clearly they do not have the depth to deal when Runyan and Thomas retire. In other words, this is the beginning of a slide that will take well into the next decade to reverse.

But as poorly as they played, they still put themselves in a position to win, pinning the Bears, with no timeouts and 1:53 to play, back on their own 3 yard line. That is when dumb Brian Getson opened his mouth, saying (and I paraphrase) "with a minute and 53 seconds and no timeouts, we have no chance to lose. It's not like Brian Griese is John Elway or anything." And with that, the game was over. Griese/Elway drove them down for the winning score while the defense stood by helplessly and like Swiss cheese. Ugh. By the way, if you would like to chastise Getson for "singing" and screwing the Eagles, he can be reached at bgetson250@aol.com.

Andy Reid has been a great coach who has done great things for this franchise. That being said, it would be a crime if he is here past this season. This team has been woefully unprepared to play winning football this season. Even if they were prepared, I do not think that Andy Reid the General Manager has done a good enough job of putting the right pieces in place. Bad job by Reid off the field and now on the field. Time to go take care of being a dad.

Speaking of great coaches whose time has come, I think the Yankees made the right move getting rid of Joe Torre (and, clearly, despite that contract offer, the Yankees did not want the skipper back). Joe has done a marvelous job managing egos and this team for 12 straight years, but the fact remains that he sis not win a championship in the last 7 years despite having the highest payroll every year. In New York, the playoffs are not good enough. I urge the Yankees to consider me for the job. I would be the best candidate because:

1. My ability to pick 100% of baseball series incorrectly over the past two years is a skill almost no one else possesses.
2. What other candidate would provide Stitzer with direct access to the manager to discuss strategy, game decisions, etc.
3. Costanza has proven that he can't carry a team on his back through all his failed sitcoms since Seinfeld.
4. With the real estate market tanking, it's not like they would have to buy me out for an expensive gig.
5. I am not afraid to tell A-Rod to take his $50 million demands, .144 playoff average, and dickhead agent to go bring another team down in the playoffs.
6. Most of all, what could be better preparation than watching Charlie Manual every day for the past few years.

Hank, Hal, George, Cashman: Call me!

I will be back tomorrow with a look ahead to the World Series (Gosk, what is it worth to you for me to pick Colorado?) and some other sports mumbo jumbo. Be well until then.