January 31, 2006 Column

• I am looking at getting the new Treo 700. If anyone has one of these, or a 650, and can give me a review, especially as it compares to a Blackberry, I would appreciate it….
• T.O. met with Mike Shanahan yesterday. Here would be my recommendation for any team wanting to sign the mercurial wideout: I would give him a one year deal worth about $6 million, which will probably be twice as much as anyone else will pay him. You know with T.O., you will get a monster year this year and he will be well behaved, as he is smart enough to know that he has to be on his best behavior, and talented enough to be the best receiver in the league. Then I would have an option that kicks in for a second year if he meets certain hurdles, both on and off the field for about $8 million. That will keep T.O. happy for the second year, when he would otherwise blow up like Young MC since the late 80s. If I can get two good year out of him, that is a home run. He will be 35 years old in 2008, so there probably will not be a lot of teams after him for big dollars at that point, so maybe you even get him to stay and play at that point, cause if there is anyone who will still be productive ion the field at 35, it will be T.O., who keeps himself in as good a shape as anyone. But I would not stop there. I would do all the little things to make him feel important. I would name him one of my team captains. I would put his picture on the ticket stubs. I would do a video tribute that prominently featured him to play at the games. I would basically proactively kiss his ass because that is what the vulnerable and insecure T.O. really wants and needs. I know there are a lot of people out there (Eagles fans, Stitzer) who think I am an idiot and that you should steer clear of this guy, but I disagree. After watching this soap opera for two years, I can say that T.O. is the best receiver in the league, and can be easily kept in check if he feels valued and important and respected. With the plan I have just outlined, you can have a happy TO for at least two years. I will tell you right now, if Denver signs T.O., and gives Jake Plummer some sort of lobotomy to make him forget he is Jake Plummer, they can win the Super Bowl.
• How is it that we are in year 2006 and the filibuster is still a viable political alternative? These politicians are such a joke. If you are a Democrat and you do not like the Republicans forwarding their agenda, I would say you have two alternatives: first, convince some of the republicans to vote with you on your issues. You are supposed to be smart guys, make a case for your viewpoint, and convince some of the other side to vote with you. Second, win more elections. If the Dems could have come up with just an average candidate for the White House, they could have beaten a very vulnerable, unpopular President. But whatever you do, do not waste the American people’s time or money with ridiculous filibusters. At least this should create good Saturday Night Live material.
• I watched about a quarter of the Duke/North Carolina Women’s game on Sunday night. I am not a huge fan of the women’s game, because in general I think the Men’s game is better to watch, with players who are more athletic and can do more things on the court. They are faster, stronger and in general make for more entertaining tv. It is not a sexist thing, it is just a personal preference (women on the other hand are more fundamentally sound and better pure shooters). My biggest takeaway from this game, besides the fact that it is never fun in any sport to lose a 16 point lead to the Tar Heels, was that UNC’s point guard, Ivory Latta, is the most exciting, best women’s player I have ever seen. She is lightning fast, and almost made the game worth watching. I would still probably not watch UNC again unless they were playing the Devils, but at least she made the experience enjoyable.
• Roger Federer is the most underrated athlete of the last 10 years. This guy is incredible. He lost a total of 4 matches all year last year (that is one match lost every three months), and has won over 50 straight matches on hard courts. He simply dominates this sport, it is just that nobody cares about the sport. In contrast to hoops, I would much prefer to watch women’s tennis, as the players all have nice legs and the sport is much more entertaining than the two-shot rallies that the men’s game is full of. Anyway, Federer won his 7^th grand slam last week, and look for him to win #8 at Wimbledon and #9 at the US Open. Just awesome to watch.
• Howard Stern has been on the air for his fourth full week now. My basic summary of his show is that it is not much different than his old show. There are some curse words now, but the thing the show is missing is the tension of not being allowed to say whatever they want. On the old show, Howard et al had to be more creative to figure out a way to communicate what they were talking about. If you liked the show before, you will still like it, and vice versa. It is definitely worth the $12.95 for Sirius whether you are a Stern fan or not. There is always on that will entertain you, no matter what your tastes. If you are a Stern fan, the guy you will really like also is Bubba the Love Sponge.
• In case you forgot, there is a football game today. Coverage still seems quiet and boring, with the big story yesterday that Seattle’s van or something got into an accident going about 8 mph. The fender barely had a scratch on it. This is a big story? I think I miss hearing about Jerome Bettis’ overrated Hall of Fame career ending in his home town of Detroit. Someone else who feels this is a boring game with not a lot to hype is Skip Bayless. Here is his take: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=bayless/060130
• Kobe Bryant came out and said he is not chasing Wilt’s 100 point mark and is “a little embarrassed.” Are you kidding me? His guy is so disingenuous it makes me sick. One thing we know about Kobe is he loves to score on the court as much as he does off of it.
• Check back tomorrow for a preview of Duke/Boston College, maybe some political commentary (if I can stay awake or follow the State of the Union), and who knows what else….

Weekend Quick Hits

• Duke vs. North Carolina. #1 vs. #2. Anytime this happens, it is huge, even when it is Women's College Basketball. That is precisely the match up Sunday Night in Cameron, as the Lady Devils try to build on their destruction of Tennessee this week by avenging a three loss season to the Heels last year. If anyone should ever care about Women's Hoops, this is it. Go Lady Devils.
• The Red Sox have gone from Johnny Damon as their center fielder to Coco Crisp. Big step down. The Red Sox will not even provide the Yankees with their biggest challenge in the AL East this year. Look for that to come from the Blue Jays.
• Wanna feel old? The Challenger disaster happened 20 years ago! I was a Freshman in college at the time. Next thing you know it will be 23 years since Philly won a pro sports title of any kind. What? Oh, never mind....
• Sean Taylor could serve up to 46 years in prison for aggravated assault. I, for one, hope they toss him in the slammer and cost him the rest of his career. I am sick of these punks thinking they can get away with anything just because they are athlete/celebrities. Lock him up!
• Quick Quiz: what team in the NHL has the most points? If you said the Carolina Hurricanes, you win a free trivia face off with my brother in law Ted, the hockey guru. My guess is none of you earned that prize. At least Jaromir Jagr is leading in total points and Dominik Hasek in goals against average...some things stay constant!!
• Enjoy your Saturday....

Odds & Ends...

• First, I will try to update the blog over the weekend with a couple quick hits if I come up with anything worthwhile, so check back over the weekend for new stuff. Also, if you missed Kmart’s Nascar preview or Kevin J. Marvel’s article on space exploration, they are posted below this post.
• This is the first weekend since August when there are no football games. Is anyone else going through withdrawal worse than Courtney Love during her first few days of a rehab stint?
• I am starting to think espn.com is monitoring this blog and getting all their story ideas from it. First, I write about how Quin Snyder is doing his best coaching job, and two days later Andy Katz writes a similar story. This of course is right before Missouri gets whacked in two winnable games. The lesson, as always, is that I am an idiot. Evidently Andy Katz is too. Now, after my campaign about how Jerome Bettis is as overrated as he is overweight, David Schoenfield of espn.com comes out with a similar article. This should ensure that Willie Parker goes down on the opening play of the Super Bowl, and Bettis goes on to have 277 rushing yards to cement his legacy. You can find Schoenfield’s article at the attached link: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=schoenfield/060125
• Rest in Peace, Chris Penn. Despite the fact that he was over 300 pounds and allegedly had some drug problems, something about the fact that these celebrities that are keeling over are now my age makes me reflect a little bit. And also gives me a great reason to re-watch Reservoir Dogs, a great movie. In fact, when you think back on all of Tarantino’s movies, you really have to give the guy credit as one of the great directors of our era. But I digress….
• Everybody likes to play the “separated-at-birth” game. My personal favorite is Tom Petty and Martina Navratilova. But now, one that can give that one a run for its money is Sinead O’Conner and Tyler Hansbrough, freshman hoops star at North Carolina. If you do not believe me, click on this link: http://www.dukebasketballreport.com/main/index.cgi?7199
• I recognize that this could be completely due to the fact that the Eagles are nowhere to be found in the Super Bowl this season, but does it seem to any non-Philly or New England folks that there is less hype around the Super Bowl this year than usual. I am guessing that has nothing to do with any decline in football’s popularity, but rather the lack of big market teams playing in the game.
• How did any of us survive as kids when they were only doling out sodas in 12 oz. cans. It is not enough soda. When I go to a place for lunch and they have cans of soda, I am inevitably disappointed when I finish the soda and still have food left. You need the full 20 oz. In fact, if I were President, I would ban the 12 oz. soda can. Maybe George Bush should put this in his State of the Union Address. I am certain it would help his approval ratings, probably spiking them in to the mid 30% range!
• Duke bounced back with a win over Virginia Tech, who always gives them fits, last night. Shelden Williams had a monster game with 24 points and 15 boards, which J.J. hurt his scoring average by only scoring 24. He did, however, pass David Thompson on the career scoring list. David Thompson is widely considered one of the top 5 players ever to play college ball, so Redick passing him is a pretty big accomplishment. He is all but assured of becoming Duke and the ACC’s leading all time scorer before the end of the season. Remarkable! In the meantime, Duke continued its tradition of playing great basketball after a loss. In fact, in the last nine seasons, Duke has only lost back-to-back games four times, which is stunning. Look for them to handle UVa this weekend before a very tough game on the road against a suddenly resurgent Boston College next Wednesday.
• Speaking of college hoops, there have been some bizarre results in the past week. First of all, last Saturday saw all three of the last unbeatens get upset (according to Vegas) and lose on the same day. The same day, North Dakota St in their first year of Division 1 beat Wisconsin. This was supposed to be such a mismatch that Vegas did not even put a line out no the game. Then Wednesday came. First, Maryland, after losing arguably their player and definitively their leading scorer in Chris McCray for the rest of the season, easily handled Georgia Tech on the road. Then NC State, ranked 14th and coming off a game where they almost beat Duke at Duke, got blown out at home by a mediocre Seton Hall team that lost by 53 at Duke. West Virginia has won about 10 in a row, including wins AT Villanova and AT UCLA, but could not beat 7-9 Marshall. Florida lost their second in a row, this time to the 10-8 Shamecocks of South Carolina, which according to Kmart has a better business school than basketball team!!! These are the reasons that college hoops is so great, and why March Madness is the premier sporting event in the land.
• Isaiah “JR” Rider was arrested on kidnapping charges. Is this news? Does this surprise anyone? This is the same guy who was suspended for spitting at a fan, who once kicked a woman in the back at an autograph signing session, who was convicted on drug charges at least once and pleaded no contest to possessing unregistered cell phones. I think his next step is being signed as a manager in the WWE.
• I still maintain than about 112 people in the whole United States care about the winter Olympics, which is getting less attention than the Supreme Court nominations. Bode Miller is a skier for the US and probably our most famous non-professional athlete at the games. He supposedly hates media attention. If you hated media attention, would you a) announce in an interview that sometimes you ski under the influence of alcohol, b) announce in a subsequent interview that Barry Bonds and Lance Armstrong knowingly cheated, or c) all of the above. Here’s an idea, Bode: if don’t want media attention, keep quiet, or at the very most give boring answers. By the way, he may have spiked the US consumer interest in the Olympics up to 114 people.
• Why in the world would the Sacramento Kings trade for Ron Artest? Yes, Artest is a great player, but he is clearly a psychopath, and a much worse risk than the risk by which all others are measured, signing T.O. At least T.O. keeps his nose clean off the field and always plays hard. Artest in the past 16 months has asked for time off to promote his rap album, started a riot by rushing into the stands, turned his back on the team that stood behind him by demanding a trade, and played in less than 19% of his team’s games. This cannot end well. I am guessing that Artest will be a man on a mission for about a month, and then one of his teammates will say something fatal like “Hey, nice shirt, Ron” and it will be all downhill from there….

KMart's Take: Let's Go Racin'

We have gotten away from sports for the last couple days, but where else on the Internet can you get a space exploration discussion that features boobs prominently? Speaking of Kevin J. Marvel, I retract my statement of his being a Skins fan. I guess I just assumed all Maryland fans were Redskin fans. Turns out he was born in Philly, still has relatives here, and is a big Bird fan. See, I knew I liked this cat. Anyway, Marvel and I share the objective of watching Kalinock's football team writhe and suffer in pain.

But on to today's feature: my buddy KMart is my token redneck friend. Actually, I have more now that we started doing business on the Florida panhandle, but that is for another day. To prove that his bumpkin-ism runs deep, he has prepared for you, no matter your level of interest or current understanding, a look at Nascar and its upcoming season, My suggestion to those 80% of you who are reading this and have no knowledge or interest in Nascar: read it anyway. At least when you are at a boring cocktail party and someone starts in with one of those "If they can put a man on the moon" items that KJM referenced yesterday, then you can fire back with some Nascar factoids and make them go away. Plus, it beats getting back to work.

One thing to remember while reading this if you have kids nearing college age: the below is what a Wofford and South Carolina education can get you!!!
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Okay kids, school is back in session… woo hoo! NASCAR is right around the corner, so I’ve tried to leave a few class notes for each of you, depending on what your level of NASCAR education is…

NASCAR 101 (Freshmen level):

Superspeedways: These huge tracks (Daytona, Talladega, Indy, etc.) are usually 2.5 miles in length, and have huge straightaways that allow for speeds exceeding 200mph at times. For that reason, NASCAR forces the cars to put restrictor plates on the intake manifolds that reduce horsepower, and thus speed of the cars. (In 1987, Bill Elliott averaged 212 mph on one lap at Talladega!) Since the cars are essentially equal in horsepower, aerodynamics importance is heightened, and thus drafting is key. Drafting means getting behind another car to take advantage of the reduced drag from the air. Those who find friends to help them along, generally are near the front at the end.
The biggest wrecks also take place at the Superspeedways. Fun to watch death and destruction, ain’t it?

Intermediate Tracks: These are generally anything from a mile to 2 miles in length, and make up the bulk of the schedule. Speeds range from 180 to 125 or so, and these races provide a little of everything. Pit strategy and mileage strategies often come into play, as there are generally lots of cautions and wrecks.

Short Tracks: The cars are jammed on top of one another, as the tracks are only half a mile in length. Lots of bumping and crashing, and lapping involved, and all at about 115 mph. The Bristol races are generally the ones to see (April & September).

Road Courses: These are really the toughest test of driving ability for the drivers as they are constantly shifting gears, shifting positions, leaning, pulling, grinding away for hours. Some drivers love ‘em and are great – like Boris Said – some are terrible at these - like Dave Blaney.

NASCAR 301 (upperclassmen; prerequisite: has attended at least one NASCAR event or been in a fantasy league):
Hendrick Motorsports will put as many drivers in the Chase as Roush this year. Roush will dominate the intermediate tracks, but will have only 3 drivers in the Chase this year – say goodbye to Carl “Tire Eatin’” Edwards, and Kurt “Excuse me ossifer” Busch.

Ford Fusions appear to be drafting very well thus far in testing– so watch for some Bowties grumbling right after Daytona and all the way up to Bristol on March 26th. And apparently the new Dodge Charger guys are already bitching - Kasey Kahne is crying already – maybe he can switch back to the Dodge Intrepid?

Kyle Petty is helping Nascar test the “car of tomorrow”… looks like the car of yesteryear to me:

nascar.com/2006/news/headlines/cup/01/19/tomorrow.2nd.test/index.html
v.
musclecarclub.com/musclecars/dodge-daytona/images/dodge-daytona-1969a.jpg

Is that 69 daytona a sweet sled or what? MOPAR at its best.

NASCAR 701 – counts towards your MSCR (Masters of Stock Car Racing)
One reason to watch the Busch Series this year:
Paul Tracy will be driving in at least 5 races… we shall see what the open-wheel master can do when draftin’, bumpin’, and rubbin’ are added to the mix.

You will become confused when Sprint, new owner of Nextel, tries to put their logo/name on the Nextel Cup. The Sprint Cup or the Nextel Cup brought to you by Sprint or something like that will probably emerge sooner than we’d like it to. There will be more and more sponsors, paint schemes and confusing name changes and new tracks than ever. Study up if you don’t want to be confused this year!

Ph.D. (i.e. you really need to get a life)
If you are really, really into NASCAR, or any racing for that matter, you may want to make it your vocation:
Send your resume to: http://www.racecityresumes.com/ They specialize in placing talent with race teams.

Now, Kmart’s Fearless and Peerless Predictions for 2006:
Most press & ink for an undeserving driver: Tony Raines
Reason: Troy Aikman & Roger Staubach are now co-owners of The “Hall of Fame” Racing Team. Cute name. Top 30 finisher. blah.

Frustrating Flops – drivers who will have below average years:
Kasey Kahne, Casey Mears, Kurt Busch, Carl Edwards, Michael Waltrip, Bobby Labonte

Michael Waltrip new team owner & driving car #55. This just in, Michael is likely to really, really suck this year. Of the 38 races to be run in 2006, he is likely to get ZERO top tens. Michael Waltrip is the new Kyle Petty, sans cheesy moustache. I won’t even mention the fact that he’s driving a Camry in 2007 . Nope, not gonna even go there. Same results for Bobby Labonte, although I’d love to see the #43 on victory lane once more in my lifetime.

Kurt Busch now in the #2 Miller Lite car – that’s just flat out depressing. His court date in Phoenix is Jan 27th, and I hope they toss his ass in the can for at least another day.

Pleasant Surprises – drivers who will exceed their normal performance:
Jamie McMurray, Kyle Busch, Brian Vickers, Joe Nemechek

Jamie McMurray is now driving the Roush #26 Crown Royal car. Who remembers that Johnny Benson used to run the #26 car when Cheerios started their sponsorship? Heady, wacky times at the MGO (Gen Mills HQ).

Nemechek has had terrible luck with equipment and flats, and all kinds of maladies. I think he came down with Avian flu last year as well. He bounces back this year to reclaim his “Front row Joe” moniker.

Daytona Sleeper: Joe Nemechek

Rookie of the Year: Martin Truex, Jr.

Nextel Champ: Tony @#%$#! Stewart repeats

My Favorite Underdog: no, it ain’t Hermie Sadler, but if Elliot’s older brother even finishes a race, it’s a banner day… really, a rookie driver named Brent Sherman was in the Air Force about 5 years ago when he won a driving contest at the Infineon Speeway. Now he has worked his way up to Nextel Cup racing! Brent is going to start at least 5 races in this year’s circuit. Overall racing experience is about 4.5 years. Prediction: #49 is likely to see #20 up his keister through his rearview mirror this year…

Other notable items:
Jeff Gordon’s new Nicorette Car is flat out heinous. I’m really sick of all these multi-sponsor paint schemes. Pick a color & go with it, I’m trying to follow you each week! And for that matter, which T-shirt will I need to wear that week?

Who will Dale Jarrett fight with this year? He had some fun times with Carl Edwards & Ryan Newman last year as his bid for the Chase faded with each passing week. I’d like to see him race that truck this year, especially since he now likes to crash into other drivers like it was a demolition derby in River Falls, Wisconsin!

Marvel's Take: A Space Odyssey 2006

Since I started the blog, I have been trying to get Kevin J. Marvel to write a post for several reasons. First, he is a very good writer with discernable writing skills, unlike a certain someone who thinks he can write and started this blog. Second, he is funny. Very funny. And finally, he likes Maryland and the Redskins (and is very anti Duke and the Birds, especially the former) and is very vocal and opinionated about them. This kind of makes him a ying to my yang, I think.

Anyway, I put a blurb about how space exploration was a waste of money when we do not exactly have money lying around right now, and I got a surprising number of emails basically telling me I was a dope (and a couple of support). None were more passionate, detailed and with a taste of humor that one from Mr. Marvel, so I am posting it here. Hopefully this will lead to a monthly (at least) column as I try to make him a regular. Even if you do not care about space, this is a good read. I may post again later today with some additional thoughts on other topics...

After reading this, I think I am in support of the space program, and to cut budgets, I guess we will have to go with Pablo's idea of $200 million bridges to nowhere in Alaska. Enjoy.
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Dils, you had me at hello. But then you lost me with your rant on the $700 million mission to Pluto. In case you weren't aware, the APL in APL Federal Credit Union stands for Applied Physics Lab, as in the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Lab. I'm looking out my window at the lab right now. APL is the primary contractor for the New Horizons mission to Pluto. In fact, my buddy Nick works on the New Horizons team. He's one of the main mission analysts. He got me in to see the spacecraft as it was being assembled a few months ago. Pretty cool stuff. They have the whole "clean room" over there, complete with the guys walking around in the white suits, covering everything in that cool material that looks like gold Reynolds Wrap.

Not to discount your argument about cutting space exploration to help balance the budget, but conservative estimates by numerous independent experts state that for every dollar the U.S. spends on research and development in the space program, it receives $7 back in the form of corporate and personal income taxes from increased jobs and economic growth.

And all economic benefits aside, I could name hundreds of improvements to our quality of life that are a direct result of money spent on the space program. But to just name a few:

The Hubble Space Telescope -- yes, the much-maligned Hubble. In actuality it's turned into a very successful mission. And the Charged Coupled Device (CCD) used on the Hubble is now being utilized to provide better breast exams. That's right, the technology has led to more accurate breast exam images and earlier detection of cancerous cells. I don't know about you, but I happen to love breasts. And if sending a telescope into space leads to saving thousands of wonderful boobies then I'm all for it. Other medical advances include laser angioplasty and an advanced ultrasound skin analysis, two very important areas considering the U.S. population's love of fatty foods and the Sun. Basically, a ton of procedures that improve recovery time or help with early detection are a direct result of space exploration. Believe it or not, a miniature ventricular-assist pump now being used is based on the space shuttle's fuel pump. I kid you not.

Airline Safety -- the use of NASA innovations, from lightweight composite materials to the modern glass cockpit and aircraft control systems will continue to make air travel safer and more efficient. Considering the plight of the airline industry, any advancements that will improve their bottom line are vital, and will ultimately help the economy. I'm not sure NASA's freeze-dried food will do much for the industry's culinary reputation, though.

Structural analysis techniques used by NASA are now making cars safer. Flat panel TVs, enhanced weather forecasting, improved photovoltaic cells (assuming we ever want to get over our reliance upon Middle East oil), fire resistant materials being used in industry and to keep firefighters safer ... it's all a result of space exploration.

And think of the obligatory blowhards that chew your ears off at cocktail parties, corporate functions, etc. You know the type. They complain incessantly about little things, always using the catchphrase, "If we can put a man on the moon, how come we can't (insert trivial product/service here). Just the other day, some complete stranger asked me why, if we could put men on the moon, McDonald's couldn't make a drive-thru speaker that doesn't make the person taking your order sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. Hell, I couldn't give him a good answer. Can you? It's a good question. But if we never, in fact, put men on the moon, all these ranters would have no way of releasing their stress and would inevitably end up taking it out on the rest of us in the form of violence. Think about it.

Plus, what would Ron Popeil and all those other late-night infomercial guys do if they couldn't sell gadgets that were supposedly based on "Space Age Technology"? I, for one, am happy for the change of pace those 3 a.m. television hawkers provide from the endless display of boobs bouncing around on Cinemax -- even if some of those Cinemax boobs were saved by the space industry, or even enhanced using implants designed with "space age" materials.

The next time you are soaking up rays on the beach, sitting in your ultra-light space age beach chair, eating fattening ice cream that stayed frozen in a space age cooler, while wearing space age sunglasses with polarized lenses that hide your eyes so you can ogle all the beautiful fillies showing off their delicious mammary glands, be sure to give thanks to NASA. And if you happen to strike up the courage to talk to one of these bronzed goddesses, be sure to tell her that if she agrees to drive back to your beach house in your structurally sound SUV and get busy on your technologically advanced, space age mattress, that it will be one small shag for man, but one giant leap for mankind.

Respectfully,

Kevin J. Marvel, space (and breast) enthusiast

My Trip to Hell and Back

I have been preparing for today for months like Anurag Kashyap prepared to win the National Spelling Bee this year. Not for a business meeting, or a job interview, or a meeting with the Eagles to take over their General Manager spot (although I believe that would be a good move by the club). No, today was my regularly scheduled trip to the dentist. I have been brushing, rinsing with Listerine, flossing and using my new toy, the Water Pik, as if National Security depended on it. You see, I do not like going to the dentist. The ugly anticipation of going is normally topped only by the trip itself, which consists of scraping and bleeding and lectures.

While I have been preparing for months, the opposition told me they too were ready for battle, when they called yesterday to "confirm" my appointment. I translate this call to mean, "Do not even try to go awol on this, I know where you live, and I will hunt you down with my tools if you don't show up." You can always sense that hidden tone in her voice that says "you may think you are prepared, but you cannot compete with my instruments, the noise I can produce, or my ability to ravage even the healthiest of gums. You won't last five minutes before you are using a spit cup like Vitali Klitschko against Lennox Lewis." I am almost sure this is the message she intends.

So the big day arrives, and after going through the pregame ritual of extra floss and no breakfast to make sure no extra food hides in the crevices, I head over to the office early, arriving 12 minutes before my scheduled appointment, as if to say "I am confident, ready to compete, there is nothing you can throw at me I am not ready for." The receptionist says hello when I arrive, but you can tell by the smile she is really saying "You can't fool us by getting here a little early. We will destroy you. Sit down and wait until we feel like disposing of you." I am almost sure this is the message she intends.

So I sit. I have my choice between a November 7th Newsweek and an October 10th Sports Illustrated, with Brodie Croyle of undefeated Alabama on the cover. I say to the guy sitting next to me, "I will bet you $100 that Alabama will lose back to back games to LSU and Auburn." He looks at me like I am a complete and utter moron. I ask him if he would feel better about $50 instead of $100. That pretty much ended our conversation.

Finally, the moment of truth. Danielle, my hygeniest, calls me in. I stand up with a hearty greeting, attempting to project confidence. She gives me a smile that says "Look, you can pretend all you want that you are ready for me, but I am going to light you up like I am Kobe and you are the Raptors." I am almost sure this is the message she intends.

We go through some verbal sparring about trips to Tampa and how warm the winter has been, and then it is time for action. She gives the "open wide" command, which is the closest I will ever come to the "Gentlemen, start your engines!" command that Mary Hulman George gives every year at the Indy 500. The first round begins with a little gum check, in which she uttered something like "everything looks pretty good." I realize this is code for "Damn, I thought this would be a blowout, but you are actually ready this time. I am going to have to pull out the heavy artillery to decimate your mouth today." I am almost sure this is the message she intends.

We go several more rounds, and Danielle pulls out all he best tricks, polishing, scraping with an extra loud drill, etc., but I am up for every challenge. At one point she asks "What are you doing to take such good care of your teeth?" Of course, what she is really doing is probing for my techniques so that she can adjust her gameplan for next time. I tell her that the Water Pik seems to have made a big difference for me, and she says "Great", which of course is code for "I never would have given him the tip to get a Water Pik if I knew it would make such a big difference." I am almost sure this is the message she intends.

She tries a couple last tactics like flossing with extra muscle, but to no avail. Today, I am up to the challenge. The dentist himself comes in and pokes around for a couple minutes, and tries to give me a half hearted lecture about my gums, but his heart is not in it. They know that today was my day. I took their best punch better than Duk Koo Kim did Ray Mancini's.

On my way out, we scheduled my next appointment. The way she said "See you next time", I could tell what she really meant was "You better step your game up to a whole new level. We underestimated you -- this time -- but we will not make that mistake again. We will have our 'A' game ready for your next visit and you can rest assured that we will cripple you so that you leave here a shell of the man you think you are today. You will never recover from the beating we administer to you." I am almost sure that is the message she intended.

By the way, I saw the guy sitting next to me in the waiting room in the parking lot. Things did not seem to go quite so well for him. He was visibly shaken. I looked at him and said "Tough time today huh?" He said they crushed him like he was an aluminum can at a recycling plant. I asked if it would make him feel better to get a second shot at making that bet on the Alabama football team. He started to cry.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go floss to get ready for my next appointment.

January 23, 2006 Column

• I went down to the MCI Center for the Duke/Georgetown game on Saturday. Duke lost by 3, but in actuality the game was not that close. Georgetown was extremely well coached, and they executed flawlessly. I have never been a huge John Thompson III fan but he really had his team firing on all cylinders. The crowd was loud and very into the game. Nobody thought Duke could go undefeated this season, but it wasnevertheless disarming to be outplayed so thoroughly by a team that on paper the Devils are superior to. On top of the fact that Georgetown played well and deserved the win, Duke played lousy, with one exception. Shelden Williams had perhaps the worst game of his four year career, with only four points. The Duke defense was awful, getting backdoored for easy lay-up after easy lay-up, and it does not seem like anyone on Duke plays good on-ball defense. This was another game that Duke really missed DeMarcus Nelson. On the positive side, J.J. Redick is simply awesome. He scored 41 points, tying a career high, and almost single handedly willed his team back to a win that they did not deserve. J.J. offcially makes by All Dils College Hoops team of the last 20 years, which looks like this: Len Bias, Maryland, Johnny Dawkins, Duke, J.J. Redick, Duke, Tim Duncan, Wake Forest, and Eric "Hank" Gathers, Loyola Maymount. It will be interesting to see how Duke bounces back against a team that always seems to give them fits, as they travel to Blackburg to face Va. Tech on Thursday.
• The talent in the radio announcing field is thinner than Lindsay Lohan after a binge and purge session. When we were driving home from the Duke game, some guy named Mike Shoop (?) was on ESPN Radio, and he actually said (and he was serious) that he would rank Georgetown ahead of Duke because they beat 'em. So, Mike, I guess that means that the four teams that beat Georgetown would be ranked ahead of them, and so on and so forth. So according to the Shoop analysis, Duke would be ranked last in the country I guess. It is tough to lose one game any more, when on the Shoop scale you drop over 300 spots in the rankings.
• Kobe Brant scored 81 points last night. This is the second highest scoring output in the history of the league. This is after he scored 62 points in three quarters a couple weeks ago. If you ask me, this is illustrative of a) what a selfish player Kobe is and b) why in my opinion, it was a complete and utter mistake to name him to the Olympic team. We do not need prima donnas who shoot every team they touch the ball to win gold. We need unselfish basketball players who work together for the good of the team. Colangelo the ego-maniac is picking the team instead of letting Coach K pick his own players. It is disappointing that we have learned nothing during the embarrassing International performances of the past several years.
• The US sent a spacecraft on a mission to Pluto, which it will reach, if all goes according to schedule, in the year 2015. The cost of this mission is something like $700 million. Did I miss something, or does this country not have huge budget issues? At some point, shouldn't we start to try to trimming these deficits so that future generations are not completely crippled worse than Carolina's running game yesterday? I mean, I am sure space exploration is a "nice to have" and we will learn important things somewhere along the way, but shouldn't we cut programs like this so that we can at least make an effort towards fiscal responsibility?
• There were 11 openings in the NFL this offseason for head coaches. I think, to date, 9 have been filled. Of those, only Herman Edwards, who was already a head coach, is a minority. Of course, this is bringing out all the "Racial Inequality" cries that we have heard for so long in the NFL. I am simply not buying it. There is too much at stake at this point. These owners and GMs are hiring the most qualified candidates for these jobs, no matter what color, relagion, taste in music or anything else is attached to said candidate. I just see no evidence that would suggest there is a race issue at hand here. Do you?
• Time to get to the football games yesterday. I clearly am on the top of my game, as I drilled the Over in the NFC game. Actually, it is clear that I have no earthly idea what I am talking about. In general I thought both games were boring, as Championship games tend to be. For watever reason, this round typically produces double digit outcomes (something like 75-80% of the time over past decade or more).
• In the first game, Denver did a good job of controllnig the PIttsburgh running game at the beginning, but Ben Roethlisberger was good enough to beat them on his own. He was bailed out (no pun intended) early in the game when Champ Bailey dropped what would have been an interception for a TD (and a 10 point swing, since Pitts got a FG), and then played flawlessly after that. Speaking of Bailey, in addition to that 10 point swing just mentioned, he cost Denver another 4 points when he got toasted by Cedric Wilson (yes, Cedric Wilson) for a touchdown on third down, when they would have held the Steelers to a field goal had he decided to play defense on that play. Once Bailey got them into a hole, Jake Plummer did what he does best other than looking like a future porn star turned lumberjack: played like Jake Plumer. Fumbles, interceptions, it was like he was back in a Cardinal uniform again. Anyway, congrats to Cowher, one of the good coaches and good guys in this league, for gettnig back to the big one. We will see in two weeks if he can finally close the deal...
• The NFC game was even more lopsided and boring than the AFC game. Seattle got out early and often, with Hasselbeck just playing great football. He has really become one of the league's best quarterbacks this season. Remember, this is the same guy that two years ago got beat out by Trent Dilfer for the starting job! Seattle's game plan was great, putting about 9 guys on Steve Smith. It did not hurt when Nick Goings got what appeared to be a concussion and Carolina went with like their 10th string running back. Where is Samkon Gado when you need him? Anyway, Carolina was not ready to play, their players had nothing left, their coaches had nothing, they were just outmanned in al facets. They were so bad they should have played the Jim Mora, Sr. press conference at their own post game news conference. The highlight of the game was watching Steve Smith explode on the sidelines. The guy is awesome though, as he backed it up by finding a way to make an impact, returning a punt for a score shortly thereafter to try to make it interesting. Don't you feel like he could be the next O.J.? Hall of Fame career follwed somewhere along the lines by a murder trial? Maybe he could get legal advice from his old teammate Rae Carruth if that happens....
• That is all for now. See you tomorrow.

NFL Conference Championships & Other Stuff

Before I get to the championship games, there are a few other items I need to touch on:

• Thanks to my buddy Mikey, who hooked us up with tickets to the Duke/Georgetown game in DC tomorrow. If you are going to be there and want to meet us (and Coop) for a beer before the game, let me know.
• For those of you anti Duke guys who have been waiting four years to get rid of J.J. Redick, get ready to learn the name Jon Scheyer, the high school senior who scored 21 points in 75 seconds in almost rallying his team from a 13 point deficit with under a minute and a half remaining. For Kalinock and Marvel, I include the link:
  http://msnbc.msn.com/id/10895770/ (compliments of Uncle Charley).
• To understand how our country has become way too litigious, you need to look no further than the punk of the week, Michael Axelrod. This is the moron who was pestering Antonio Davis' wife (causing Davis to enter the stands), and is now suing the couple for more than a million bucks. If I understand his claim correctly, his position is that he got beat up by a girl. Are you kidding me? What a jackass. Maybe he is bitter and angry because he is 22 years old and already bald as a bat, and probably has issues with women. Rogaine (or Saturday Night Live at least) should use this guy in an ad campaign about what could happen to you if you go bald at a young age. I would resolve the issue by having a steel caged match with Mrs. Davis against Boy Axelrod, with David Stern as guest referee. Maybe Antonio Davis could sneak in the ring, beat Stern over the head with a steel chair, and the Davises could pummel this punk.
• Even though Duke is 17-0 and UNC lost its top 7 scorers from last season, it is still fun to watch Carolina lose two straight....
• It seems like this trend in the NFL is a good one, with over half of the new coaching jobs going to coaches with no prior head coaching experience. Kudos to those teams for taking a chance on upside instead of settling for guaranteed mediocrity.
• Andy Katz, writer for esopn.com, has an article today about the job Quin Snyder is doing at Missouri this year. Just remember, you heard about Quin doing a good job this season here first (three days ago, see More Fallout from Colts post from Tuesday...). Here is a link to Katz' article: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/columns/story?columnist=katz_andy&id=2298128
• Kelly Clarkson is being ridiculous for not letting American Idol use her songs. She owes her career to this show, and now won't let contestants use her songs on the show. Puh-lease.
• Now, onto the Conference Championships:

Pittsburgh at Denver. Pittsburgh, in the Cowher era, has been a #1 seed several times and been upset in the conference championship round at home (New England twice, San Diego), so wouldn't it be just if now, when no one expected much out of them as a #6 seed, that they beat the #1, 2, and 3 seeds in order to advance to the Super Bowl? On the flip side, wouldn't it be funny is Porn boy and much maligned Jake the Snake Plummer made it to the big game before Peyton Manning?

When Pittsburgh is on offense, Big Ben is going to have to win this game for the Steelers. Denver has great speed on defense that should enable the Broncos to keep Fast Willie Parker and the Steeler ground game contained. If they can contain the running game, and force Roethlisberger to throw, it will be difficult for the QB to be as effective as when the ground game is working and they can throw as a compliment to the run.

When Denver has the ball, look for Pittsburgh to attack Denver with as much pressure as possible, trying to force Jake to revert to the old Snake, when he made more mistakes than Norv Turner during a typical football game. Denver of course will try to run the ball, forcing Pittsburgh to play a little more honest. The Steelers will have a difficult time shutting down the Bronco running game, which will allow Jake to pick and choose his spots.

Look for a combination of the speed of Denver's defense, Denver's balance on offense, the roar of the home Denver crowd, and the difficulty Pittsburgh will have duplicating their level of emotion and execution two weeks in a row to result in a Denver win, 20-13.

Carolina at Seattle. Carolina has some injury problems coming into this one. DeShaun Foster is out (as is Stephen Davis), so the Panthers have to go with 3rd string running back Nick Goings. This could be the revenge of Greg Saine's team in my fantasy team, who actually picked Nick Goings in the second round of our draft, the worst draft choice since Mr. Stitzer picked Tony Dorsett in his last year and Zeke Mowatt early in the draft one year in the 80's (Stitzer will need to elaborate on the specifics there). Fortunately for Carolina, Goings did play a bunch and play well both last year and last week, so he is not a typical 3rd string running back. Also, Julius Peppers is banged up and listed as questionable. I expect him to play, but he needs to get pressure on Matt Hasselbeck, who is suddenly looking like Joe Namath circa 1969. Seattle had some injury concerns of its own, with Shaun Alexander getting a concussion last week, but he has been given a clean bill of health.

I think this game comes down to Hasselbeck vs. the Carolina defense and its ability to slow him down, and Seattle's ability to stop the most dominating player in the NFL today, Mr. Steve Smith. I think both offenses will have some success, putting up quite a few points in this one. At the end of the day, Carolina has been in this position before, going 4-0 on th road in the playoffs the last two years, so they will know how to react in a hostile environment. Look for Steve Smith to make plays on offense (just cannot see Marcus Trufant stopping him), and look for Ken Lucas or Ricky Manning, Jr. to pick off a Hasselbeck throw late. Carolina pulls the upset, 31-27.

For the record, Stitzer is picking Pittsburgh and the under in Game 1, Seattle and the over in game 2. So we are aligned on totals and sit apart on sides. We shall see, we shall see....

College Hoops: Mid Season Awards and Observations

Do not let the 13 point victory fool you. Duke struggled mightily against an excellent N.C. State team last night. The Wolfpack are well balanced, can play well inside and outside, are well coached, play food defense, take care of the ball, and have an emerging star in Cedric Simmons from Brunswick County, North Carolina, home of the Villages of Goose Marsh, a Dilsheimer Community coming in Summer 2006. The game was tied at 65 and Duke was really grasping for straws when unsung hero Sean Dockery hit a huge three then had a key rebound and assist on the next play as Duke went up 71-65 and did not look back, winning 81-68. If Simmons continues to develop and attacks the basket the way the Cookie Monster attacked a sugar cookie, Sendek's crew will be an extremely tough out in March, and could make a run all the way to Indianapolis. This Duke team, despite being 17-0, 5-0 in the ACC, really has to work to win each game, so going undefeated is not a realistic goal (nor should it be). Look for Duke to go down to Boston College at Chestnut Hill on February 1st. Despite underachieving so far this year, BC has the talent and the size to take the Devils down at home.

Since we are about half way through the season, I thought it was a good time to reflect on the season to date...

First Team All-Dils:

1. J.J. Redick. Also Player of the Year to Date. This guy is simply as unstoppable as Jack Bauer in '24', averaging 26 points a game despite having every conceivable defense thrown at him. He plays 40 minutes a game and never gets tired, provides emotional leadership, has a good all around offensive game now that he is driving to the hoop and also making several great passes a game, and is playing solid defense. This is a nobrainer pick, no offense to Adam Morrison. Look for the Comcast Center to go nuts in its last chance to rattle J.J.'s cage in a Duke uniform on February 11th.
2. Adam Morrison. Leading scorer in the country, can do it all offensively, and challenges Jake Plummer for best porno look by an athlete.
3. Marco Killingsworth. He has probably not been as consistently dominant as Shelden Williams this season, but he dominated head to head against him, was unbelievable against Illinois, and is averaging over 20 and 7 a night.
4. Randy Foye. Wow. I would have guessed Allen Ray would have stepped up as the star as Villanova when Sumpter went down, proving, as always, I have no idea what I am talking about. Foye has been sensational all year long, averaging more than 20 points, 5 boards and 3 assists per game for the Cats.
5. Dee Brown. Just spectaular all around player who is holding Illini together after losing Head and Williams last year.

Second Team All-Dils:

1. Shelden Williams, Duke
2. Nick Fazekas, Nevada
3. Glen Davis, LSU
4. Steve Smith, LaSalle
5. Rodney Carney, Memphis

Defensive Player of the Year: Not sure, but I know it is not Shelden Williams, and I am tired of hearing that it should be. I love Shelden, he is a great player, and his coming back to school for his senior season gives Duke a chance at the National Championship, but he has gotten spanked both times he has gone up against a big time offensive player, first by Killingsworth and then by Simmons, both who had career nights against Shelden. You cannot give up multiple career nights to the guys you guard and be National Defensive Player of the Year. He is a great off ball defender and the best shot blocker in the country, but he is not the best defensive player in the land.

Most Underrated Player in the Country: Brad Buckman, Texas. I am telling you from watching this team, this team can play with anyone in the country with him in th elineup. If he is hurt in March, Texas has little to no shot of getting out of the second round. He is just one of those guys who does all the little things, has superb leadership skills, makes everyone around him better, and someone to whome everyone looks up to. Every team could use a Brad Buckman. Runner up for this award is Sean Dockery of Duke. He gets no pub, but there are multiple games this year that Duke loses without him.

Overrated Teams:

1. Boston College. They have played poorly all year. Can they use 2/1 matchup with Duke to get well quickly
2. Louisville. Pitino is right, they are terrible
3. How about North Carolina, Kentucky, and Kansas, the three winningest programs of all time, strugging the same year....
4. Syracuse

Teams that could Surprise in March:

1. Michigan St. This seems like a typical year (like last year) where they plod along all season, look vulnerable, and then make a run in the tournamanet. They have the talent, experience, coaching (sorry, Dave Kay) to go a long way in March
2. Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Same cast back this year with new coach. These guys can do it again.
3. Buffalo. Just missed the tourney last year, lost their star in Turner Battle to graduation, and now is playing even better (this is a Ewing Theory example, to use one of the Sports Guy's terms)
4. Old Dominion. They are not playing as well as they should be lately, but if they can gel, they can win in March.
5. Northern Iowa
6. Would have had Air Force on here before they hiccuped against Wyoming. I guess I will replace them with Stitzer's San Diego St. squad (since his St. John's team, depite beating Louisville, is going nowhere)
7. Wichita St.

National Coach of the Year: Bruce Pearl, Tennessee. This guy has come in and given the Vols instant credibility, including a road win at Texas (albeith without the aforementioned Buckman) and were up at the half last night at Memphis. He will be a force with that program quickly! Runner up goes to Herb Sendek, who has the Wolfpack playing great without Julius Hodge this year, could have won at Cameron last night, and will make a run in March.

That is all for now, I look forward to your reactions.

Uncle Charley's Take: His first article in 19 Years

Uncle Charley is a buddy of mine from Duke who actually used to write for the student newspaper. His highlight from 4 years of college was doing a World Wrestling Federation Discussion with yours truly on the college radio station in which I gave a tribute to the Grand Wizrd of Wrestling with something like "He was great, he died and we miss him!" I am telling you it was quality listening. Anyway, Uncle Chuck has come out of retirement to be heard in this format, so comment what you think, and maybe we can get him to do a regular piece...
__________________________________________________________

Some left-overs from the NFL playoffs: Mike Vanderjagt continues to put the "idiot" in "idiot kicker." Apparently, God must have been too busy on Sunday to intervene in the Colts' favor. Or maybe He was just resting on the seventh day, as He has been known to do from time to time. Fresh off of shanking a 46-yarder to lose the game for his time, Vanderjerk laid the blame at the foot of the Big Guy: "Everything seemed to be lining up in our favor. I guess the Lord forgot about the football team." Yeah, I'm sure that's what happened. Because, as we know, God usually spends every free moment deciding the outcome of sporting events. That explains why paragons of virtue like George Steinbrenner, the '86 Mets, Mike Tyson, Adolph Rupp and Dennis Rodman have been so successful. It's because God controls the results of childish games to ensure that the truly good triumph, and evil men like Ernie Banks, Marv Levy and Louie Carnesseca never win the big one. On second thought, maybe Vanderslice is wrong, people have free will and God really doesn't decide sporting events (except, of course, for the '92 Duke-Kentucky game). Maybe the Colts lost because Vanderloser felt the pressure of the moment and simply choked. Gee, it's hard to know what to think . . . I never get tired of looking at the Sergeant Slaughter visage of Bill Cowher. I keep waiting for him to slap the Cobra Clutch on an unsuspecting official, several of whom deserved to be on the receiving end of a vertical suplex in the fourth quarter of the Steelers-Colts fiasco. Anyone else sick of the Mannings? They remind me of a Southern version of the British Royal Family. Archie and Peyton have a certain in-bred quality to them. Great job by Peyton on Sunday, standing there over center wildly gesticulating before every play, running the play clock down to 1 on nearly every snap. Hey Peyton, maybe your blockers would have fared better if the Steelers weren't able to time every blitz perfectly and take full adavntage of your obsessive-compulsive disorder. Just run the play, already.

I saw just enough of the Sixers/Bullets (they'll always be the Bullets to me) on MLK Day to see that Shavlik Randolph hasn't changed all that much from Duke. He still cannot finish shots around the basket, is a mediocre free throw shooter and has an egg-shell psyche. I think he was too intimidated by K to ever develop fully at Duke. Perhaps Cheeks can coddle him enough to give him a chance at a modest career in the NBA. He seems like a truly nice kid, just too insecure and sensitive to criticism to achieve the greatness predicted for him out of high school.

While everyone is justifiably excited about Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough, who is off to a terrific start as a freshman, I think Josh McRoberts has similar potential and is an upgrade from Shav on the Duke front-line. Too bad that neither will likely be around more than two or three years. In the not-to-distant past, we would have been able to look forward to measuring their progress against each other for four years. For those who wonder how good Carolina would be if Felton, May and McCants had stayed this year, imagine a Duke team with Luol Deng as a junior and Shaun Livingston as a sophomore. Toss-up question - who has the best porn 'stache? Virginia's Jason Cain orGonzaga's Adam Morrison? Cain has the Hitler thing going along with a grotesque assortment of tats, while Morrison reminds me of me in eighth-grade before my dad told me I could borrow his Norelco and Mennon's'Lectric Shave. With Dave Leitao having replaced anvil-headed Pete Gillen from Virginia, Gary Milhous Williams is now officially the sweatiest coach in the nation. Leitao's arrival also gives the ACC an astounding lineup of coaching talent from top to bottom. Look at the names - Krzyzewski, R. Williams, G.Williams, Oliver Purnell (did a great job at Dayton and ODU), Paul Hewitt,Al Skinner, Leonard Hamilton, and on and on. You could make a compelling argument that Wake's Skip Prosser is one of the two or three weakest coaches in the conference and he's won over 70 percent of his games there. Not sure that any conference has ever employed as many impressive coachesat one time, although the ACC of the early to mid 80s was similarly loaded- Dean Smith, Coach K, Lefty Driesell, Bobby Cremins, Jim Valvano andTerry Holland.

When did it become acceptable to be a big fat football coach? When I was a kid, Abe Gibron was the only real fatso I can remember lumbering around the sidelines. John Madden was a rather large animal as well, although in retrospect he was only pudgy. Now Andy Reid, Mike Holmgren, Ralph Friedgen, Mike Mangino at Kansas, the blimp who coaches Toledo whose name escapes me (editor: Tom Amstutz), Bill Parcells and a host of others appear to be lining their parkas with Twinkies and HoHos. Is there a sight in sports any more repulsive than The Tuna in pre-season wearing Bike coaching shorts and a tee shirt? He makes Phil Mickelson look flat-chested. Isn't it difficult for someone to demand discipline and fitness from their players while looking like these corpulent gentlemen? It's kind of like going to a McDonald's and seeing your doctor polishing off a combo meal while pulling a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket, two hours after he told you that you need to watch your cholesterol.

More fallout from Colts, Jet hiring, Stitzer interview

• The enormity of the Colts' loss is still hitting home. This team started 13-0, one of only four teams in the history of the league to do so, and the only one to lose before the championship game. I am surprised that there is not more talk about Manning and Dungy not being able to win the big games. After all, mumblings existed in the past about this, and this has to go down as one of the all time disappointing results for a team heading into the postseason. I am guessing these two guys are just so liked and respected that they are getting a mulligan. Personally, I am not a big Manning fan, and have his 3-6 postseason record to point to. But after a day of digestion, I think the coaching staff of Indianapolis is getting an undeserved free pass on this. They had the best team in the league, and they came in just completely unprepared, were outcoached in game preparation and showed no ability to make successful adjustments during the game. Cowher and his crew just obliterated this coaching match-up. There is no other way to look at it. I am guessing my Father-in-law uttered a few expletives about Dungy and his coaching abilities, and in my opinion he is justified.
• You think there were any punches thrown between Manning and the "liquored up" kicked Van Der Jagt after the most accurate kicker in history missed the 46 yarder to tie the game by about 46 yards? If so, do you think all the lineman just sat around and giggled as a quarterback and kicker started brawling?
• The NFL came out and said that their officials messed up the Polamalu interception or lack thereof. I have two questions surrounding this. First, would they have admitted to this had the Colts came back and won? I doubt it, since that play would have clearly determined the outcome of the game, which makes their admission empty and meaningless. Second, why did they not recognize all the other horrible calls (NE pass interference, the delay of game on Chicago that was not called and led to an interception, etc.)? They would be better off after the seasno saying their officiating is not up to par, and they are hiring full time officials for these roles starting immediately. Any current official that wants to keep their job will have to resign from any other jobs they hold. Then they can make this an occupation instaead of a hobby.
• Nobody is noticing, and probably it is not yet warranted, but my friend Quin Snyder is doing an excellent job this year at Missouri, rewarding a school for really going out on a limb to keep him on board when the easy move would have been to fire him before last season. After starting the year with a couple bad losses at Sam Houston St and at Davidson (who is tough, especially at home), they are now 10-5, 3-1 in the Big 12. While the Big 12 is not great this year, they have beaten Kansas, Oklahoma St and Oklahoma in Norman. I would love to see him maintain the mommentum and sneak back into the NCAAs this year. Go Mizzou!
• The Jets hired the youngest Head Coach in the league yesterday in 35 year old Eric Mangini. This was a great hire from my seat, as they did not go after a retread with a proven track record for medicrity for rather went for the upside that a young, high flyer like Mangini brings to the table. In addition, they make a division rival weaker by taking away the Patriots Defensive Coordinator, and in the process pissed off Beilcheck, who reportedly advised Mangini not to take the job. For my interview with Stitzer on this subject, keep reading as it is shown below....
• For those of you who watched the first four episides of '24' over the past two nights, I think you will agree that the show is off to a flying start as usual. Who would have thought that Rudy, after leaving Notre Dame, would put on 100 pounds and become a counter terrorist agent that helped aviod a disaster last night?!?!
• Where is the Sports Guy's article on what happened to his beloved Patsies?

Now, here is the transcript from my interview of Mr. Andrew B. Stitzer regarding the hire of Eric Mangini by the New York Jets. As you know, Mr. Stitzer is one of the tope Jet fans in the country, and can tell you the score and story from any Jet game since 1980 (just ask him), even 1993, Week 5, when the Birds came from down 21-0 to beat the Jets 35-30...

Dils: What do you think of the Jets hiring Eric Mangini as their Head Coach?
Stitzer: Think it is a great hire. This is an organization that has had their last 4 head coaches leave on their own. Parcells (who stepped down to kick in the clause in Bellichick's contract that made him HC so NE could not hire him; Bellichick, who resigned the next day; Al "Wayne" Groh, who quit to go back to his alma mater @ UVA; and Herm, who from what I understand had been orchestrating his move to KC since September. The organization needed to clearly demonstrate that the guy they brought in was someone who had tremendous upside, has experience in winning Super Bowls, and does not come in as a someone dumped by another organization. And to boot, we weaken a division rival by taking their DC. On a side note, I think it was selfish and childish of BB to try and talk Mangini out of taking the job (which he did by all accounts). So the soap opera between these 2 organizations continues.

Dils: Was he your first choice for the job?
Stitzer: Based on all the candidates that were being interviewed, Mangini was my first choice, with the 3 JETS incumbent coordinators 2nd through 4th. The Vitts, Hasletts, etc...were way down on my list. Would have also liked Kirk Ferentz of Iowa, but he pulled his name out of all NFL openings early last week.

Dils:What are his strengths and weaknesses?
Stitzer: Strengths are his association with Bellichick: how to game plan; how to breakdown film and go after another team's offense, especially the QB; he learned how to make in-game adjustments. We are not sure if he has any weaknesses, but obviously his youth, and his lack of HC experience at any level. Also, we do not know how he will react to a negative situation. Going from a DC on Super Bowl winners and playoff teams is a huge different than being an HC of a team that went 4-12. Bellichick did not handle many of aspects of his job well at all in Cleveland, and he inherited team that did not have the salary cap problems that Mangini's team will. Potential weakness is how he handles the brutal NY media.

Dils: Do they have the quality they need in the General Manager’s position to win in this league?
Stitzer: Based on his track record so far, I would say no. But, hopefully Bradway has learned on the job well for 5 years, and maybe the signing of Mangini will lead to better things. It is hard to hold Bradway accountable for the injury problems in 2005. However, it is the GM's responsibility to make sure there is ample depth on the roster, and it was clear there was not as guys went down. If Bradway has learned from his mistakes over the past 5 years, then he does have the skills to provide the talent Mangini needs to make the Green & White an elite team.

Dils: What do you see as the Jets record next year with Mangini in place?
Stitzer: Tough questions my friend, as the only thing we know for sure is the schedule. 8-8 is my call.

Dils: How will the key players react to this hiring, especially Pennington and key free agents that you want back?
Stitzer: I think the Vets will welcome him. Word is starting to creep out that many vets were starting to turned off by Herm's "positive spin Kool-aid approach." Chad is a very intelligent guy, a Rhodes scholar, and he still commands a lot of respect in the locker room, despite his injuries - remember, he played with a busted wing in 2004 and he did not have to. How Mangini handles Chad will go a long way to telling us how the Vets will react to EM. In other words, the Vets will be very disappointed if Chad is not given a chance to prove he is healthy and win his job back. The other leader who commands the utmost respect in the locker room is Curtis. He played hurt all season (thanks to the POS Zach Thomas' cheap shot) because his backup Derrick Blaylock went down. Curtis has said that he is all for reducing his role, re-working his contract, and coming back. How EM/Bradway handles this will be key. As for the Free Agents, there is now talk that Law may take a huge pay cut to stay because of his close ties to EM. Key FA is Abraham. I have heard that the NE folks do not think as highly of him as rest of league does. I would look for him to be traded for draft picks OR franchised again - he will not get a long-term deal.

Dils: What will his staff look like? Who do you think the Coordinators and Special Teams Coach will be next year?
Stitzer: Staff will be completely over-hauled, which to be honest, I am not completely thrilled about, but I guess it is to expected with an HC change, and a change from a 4-3 scheme to a 3-4 scheme. Mike Heimerdinger is all but out the door to replace Gary Kubiak as Denver's OC (he was Denver receiver's coach in the early 90s) and is very close to Shanahan. Mike Westhoff will probably follow Herm to KC, he is one of the top ST coaches in the league, and we would be wise to retain him. Donnie Henderson is a 4-3 guy; EM is a 3-4 guy. Look for Rob Ryan (son of buddy) to leave Oakland and join his old pal Mangini as the JETS DC (the only time the JETS won a Super Bowl a Ryan was an AC - Buddy was the Linebackers coach of the 1968 JETS, so may that is a good omen). I am hearing that Mike Sheppard, NO's OC will be brought in to run the offense - might that mean Aaron Brooks is the vet QB signed as insurance for Chad - yeesh, I hope not.

Dils: If they made a 40 Year Old Virgin, Part II, would you agree to do a cameo?
Stitzer: Absolutely not. As you know Brian, I like to fly under the radar, and would never want to subject my family to any unnecessary publicity. You also know I was not thrilled that my name was used, and I could have pursued legal channels to obtain financial rewards, but that is not my style either.

January 16, 2006 Column

My column appears first; Stitzer's appears after my NFL analysis after the line-break....

Before I get to my NFL analysis, I have a few other items:

• Pitt seems to be a legitimate basketball team this year, despite playing teams like "Joe's Plumbing" and "Uncle Murray's Funeral Home" in the first two months of the season. They impressed me by being able to go into Louisville and come out with a win, even with Louisville being down a notch this season. Pitt will take some hits in the tough Big East, but they look like they could be a Sweet 16 team, which is more than I would have predicted at the beginning of the season after losing Taft and Troutman from last year's club. Krauser is clearly the leader holding this well-coached team together.
• Clemson is a long struggling program in basketball. They brought in a very good coach in Oliver Purnell a couple years back and he seems to have the program heading in the right direction. A win over #1 Duke, to whom they had lost 18 straight times coming into Saturday's matchup, would have sped this process up. Their crowd was jacked, their players played hard and well, and they stuck close to Duke the entire game. They outrebounded Duke, shot 54% from the field, and in general could have knocked off the Devils....except that they made 4 of their first 19 free throws (or 21.1%). How can you go through a game, execute well, play with energy while executing well, and throw away your chance at the biggest win for your program in decades because you can't make 75% of your shots from 15 feet with no one guarding you. Just painful to watch, except not really painful for those of us rooting for Duke! Tough game for Duke coming up Wednesday against NC St. Paulus will need to play disciplined ball and have more assists than turnovers for Duke to beat a well coached, disciplined, experienced Wolpack squad.
• Ariel Sharon is still in his coma, which according to Pat Robertson, probably means he has not yet apologized to God for defying his orders not to split up his land.
• Reason 6,931 that figure skating is not a sport: Michelle Kwan, despite not skating in the qualifying event, was given a spot on the team over Emily Hughes, who earned a spot by finishing 3rd in the event. What is the point of having a qualifying event if then you are going to over-rule the results and put whoever you want on the team anyway. This is an absolute joke. Yes, I have now written about ice skating on this blog, I promise not to do that often, please don't run away screaming.

And now onto football, where there is a lot to talk about....

• Washington at Seattle. Seattle was down 3-0 in this game and lost Shaun Alexander to a concussion. I said on Friday that Washington, to win, would have to control Alexander and make Hasselbeck beat them. Well, they did, but the problem was that Hasselbeck played under control in completing better than 61% of his passes with a touchdown and no interceptions. He seems to be playing very good football, I just can't seem to trust him. Seattle's defense played well also, holding Washington to only 2.4 yards per carry, and making Mark Brunell beat them with his arm. If we know one thing, it is that Brunell can't beat anyone with his arm, except Dallas at Dallas when he is down 13 in the last four minutes. Anyway, Seattle moved on fairly easily.
• New England at Denver. OK, once again, referees are deciding outcomes of games. Every time Stitzer complains about Belicheck and the Patriots getting all the calls and how the league would shut down before it let New England lose, you can remind him of the time the Pats were leading Denver 3-0, when New England was flagged with the worst pass interfence call of all time, moving the ball from the 40 yard line to the 3 yard line, leading directly to a touchdown, after which New England fumbled the kickoff, giving Denver another three points before halftime. This changed the entire complexion of the game. Just brutal. I am not saying that Denver would not have come back and won anyway, it's just that they would have had to work harder had the refs not been involved. It is interesting to note that the Pats fought back, like you would expect from a three time champ, and was poised to take the lead, when Tom Brady threw a pass that was picked off and returned 99 yards by Champ Bailey to the one yard line. Bad pass by Brady (a rarity), unbelievable play by Bailey, and the best play of all was one that does not really show up on the box score. Ben Watson, a tight end on the other side of the field, somehow chased down Bailey, a speedy corner who had a shorter distance to run to the goal line. Watson not only caught Bailey but forced a fumble, that could have easily been ruled a touchback (if it went out of bounds in the end zone) and given back to the Pats. In my heart of hearts, I believe that would have been the proper call, although there was clearly no replay to show the definitive view that the ball did indeed enter the end zone. Still, great play by Watson, the second year man from the University of Georgia, who actually played at Duke as a Freshman before transferring to Athens.
• Pittsburgh at Indianapolis. Wow, what a game. It had everything, drama, excitement, intrigue, surprise. Several points that need to be made here. First, Pittsburgh kicked Indy's ass. They dominated the trenches on both sides of the ball. They played with a much higher level of emotion than the Colts. Their coaches out them in better positions than the Colt's coaches did with their players to make plays, especially at the beginning of the game when they took the lead, which was so important to their success. On offense, Pittsburgh moved the ball well against the Colts defense. The colts committed to stopping the run, and did a good job at it, but Roethlisberger was the better of the two QBs on the field yesterday (more on this later). On defense, the Steelers blitzed from every different spot on the field, and the Colts looked woefully unprepared to deal with it or adjust to it. Their coaching staff did a lousy job at making any successful adjustments during the game, and Steeler defenders were constantly in Manning's face. Manning, one of the great regular season quarterbacks of our generation, is now 3-6 in the playoffs as a starting quarterback. He has lost twice as many games as he has won, and never made it to the Super Bowl, much less won one. How long will that window be open for him? One never knows. He lost plenty of big games in college also, going 0-4 against Florida! I stand by my statement made in the middle of the season that his brother, while not nearly the qb that Payton is, has a much better natural knack of making big plays in big games at the right times. If Eli wins a Super Bowl and Peyton never does, who will go down as the better qb?Two last points on this game. First, this group of refs should also be ashamed of itself. If Indy had come back and won this game, it would have been complete robbery. How these refs could make the correct call on the field when they gave Palomalu an interception, then reverse themselves on replay and make a ridiculous call, is beyond me. It is almost like Tagliabue called the booth during the review and said "do you know what you are doing? This is a Manning we can get to the Super Bowl, now overturn that call, now!) Just ridiculous. Finally, Jerome Bettis backed up my bashing of him last week by fumbling when he was supposed to be icing the game (can you say Miracle at the Meadowlands). Of course, one of the announcers said he was going to Canton and did not want to end his career like that. Why would this guy possibly go to the Hall of Fame. The only reason that he is 5th in career rushing yards is longevity (like a billion carries to get there), he was never even one of the best two or three players at his position at any point in his career. He was a nice player that should not even be considered for the Hall. End of story.
• Carolina at Chicago. Is anybody still reading? The Bears and Panthers EACH scored more points than the Colts. The lesson, of course, is there is no rhyme or reason whatsoever to what goes on in this league. Anyway, Steve Smith is clearly the most dominating player in the National Football League right now (did I read like Theisman on that comment). That includes Payton Manning, Tom Brady, Shaun Alexander, and everybody else in the league right now. He had more yards from scrimmage against the Bears yesterday than the average team did against Chicago this year. He set the tone by scoring on a bomb in the first minute, and Chicago could not do anything to slow him down. Just an amazing performance. The Bears showed good fight in this game, but just could not match Smith's performance.

Now onto Stitzer's take...

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HAPPY MLK DAY

Let me start by start by saying that today is a BS national holiday. I feel the same way about Columbus Day. National Holidays for specific individuals should only be for those US citizens who served the country as a whole. MLK was a great leader; he did for Black Americans what Gandhi did for Indians and what Moses did for Jews. But, MLK’s service was for a specific group of people, not the whole nation. Think about this: our 2 greatest presidents, GW & Abe, SHARE a national holiday. Columbus Day is just a joke in the first place. How do you “discover” something that is already there? Guy got freaking lost anyway and was a lucky squirrel who found a big nut. If the pro–Islamoterrorists of this country, the Liberals, have their own way, here are some more Holidays we can look forward to in the future: Teddy Kennedy Day – every American can loaded out of their mind, drive a car off a bridge, and get away with murder. Slick Willie Day: every American, guy or girl, gets to molest an intern and then lie to the people they work for about it.

3-5 was not what I had in mind after a 7-1 first weekend. For those of you who care about sides only, I am 6-2. 10-6 overall, need to go 4-2 the rest of the way for a respectable 14-8 post-season.

If Wash picks off that pass and returns it for a TD, which they should of, I really think they win that game. Seattle looked shaky and could not solve the Redskin D early on. Down 10-0 and without Alexander, I think the Skins would have beaten a Hasselback-led one dimensional team. Give Seattle credit though, their D turned it up a notch.

Before the NE fans start crying about the terrible PI call – and it was a terrible call – think back 2 years when you guys got away with TWENTY PI calls against the Colts. I loved seeing Brady lose the game for NE. He pulled the Dan Marino by refusing to take the sack and throwing the ball up for grabs. Glad to see that NE’s success has not gone to their heads. Did you see the post-game press conferences? When did Bellichick turn into Phil Jackson? The other team gets no credit, we sucked. Try losing with class and dignity like the Coach Ks and Joe Torres of the world by giving your opponents credit.

The most pathetic performance by an Offensive (and it was very offensive) Line goes to the Colts. You must give the Steelers a ton of credit for constantly getting in Manning’s face, but the O-Line was like a well-oiled subway turnstile that just kept opening the floodgates. This loss cannot be pinned on Manning. He did not play great, but he almost engineered a great playoff comeback. He actually did throw a killer pick, but of course the Refs make yet another HORRBILE replay call and overturn a great defensive play. If not for that play and the awful non-PI call on the pass intended for Randal-El when it was 14-0 Pitt, this game might have been a blow-out. Looking back, I am kicking myself for not taking Pitt. Dungy has a terrible record during the quarterfinals, while Cowher has a superb record.

Hard to believe that the Panthers put up 11 more points than the Colts did. What in the hell happened to the Bear D? Had you told me the Bears scored 21 points, I would have laid 100-1 that they win the game. Terrible tackling by the Bears, great play calling and execution by the Panthers. All 4 coaches remaining have been to the Super Bowl.

Best quote of the weekend was from my pal Berke, a die-hard Steeler fan. “Nitz, good thing I do not have a gun in the house, because after the replay reversal on Polamalu’s pick I was ready to shoot everyone, and after Bettis’ fumble, I was ready to shoot myself.”

NFL Divisional Playoff Predictions & Other Assorted Nonsense

• They did a poll on espn.com (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/index) that asked who would have a better pro career, LenDale White or Reggie Bush. Out of 219,000 votes, only 55% picked Bush, with 45% favoring White. So my takeaway of cuorse is that there are an awful lot of idiots out there. How could anyone think White will be better than Bush. White will have a good, productive career in the league, but Reggie Bush could have a hall of fame spot (see Stitzer's Take from yesterday for my stance on hall of fame entry) wrapped up after 5-6 years in the league. He has been compared to Walter Payton, Barry Sander, Gale Sayers, and Ladanian Tomlinson, and I have yet to hear anyone disagree with that potential.
• Carson Palmer's career could be in danger, according to his doctor. I am hopeful that is not the case, as the guy has turned himself into one of the three or four best QBs in the league, and is a class act at the same time.
• If Maurice Clarett and Marcus Vick had a love child, would that kid be in jail before or after his or her 8th birthday?
• Gary Bettman has never gotten respect from the public as a commissioner. I think he deserves some now as he a) crushed the player's union in the strike battle, b) has attendance booming, with something like 23 of the NHL's clubs slated to make money this year. Look for a new TV contract soon. This is stuff you expect to see from Stern. Seems like Bettman paid attention during his NBA tenure.
• By the way, I finally saw Wedding Crashers. Absolutely outstanding movie. If I was not in fact the last person in America to see this movie, I highly recommend renting it for some good laughs.
• Final reminder: remember to tune in to '24" for the two hour season premiere this Sunday Night at 8:00 pm on Fox.
• Go to Dave Kay's post under comments for a well-thought out response from my man Dave Bryla, an MSU grad and huge fan.
• Great news for Duke fans, it looks as if DeMarcus Nelson's new injury is not serious and he should be back in the lineup soon.

Now onto the NFL. As a special bonus, my picks and analysis are first, followed by Stitzer's below. As you will see, Mr. Stitzer and I agree on all sides but one and all three totals (I do not post opinion on Skins/Hawks total). That is 6 of 7 same opinions, very dangerous! So here are the Dils picks:

Washington at Seattle. Washington has won six in a row, including last week when they won despite having only 120 yeard of total offense. Seattle has been great all season. The Skins beat the 'Hawks 20-17 way back in Week 4 (October 2nd) when Seattle's Josh Brown clanged field goal off the upright when they had a chance to win in regulation. The key to the game for Washington is to be able to control the clock with ball control and to contain Shawn Alexander and make Hasselbeck beat them. I think this will be an ugly game, but I do not have the sense that Washington can do what they will need to do to win their third straight road game, 7th overall. Look for a close game at halftime that Seattle will pull away to win by 10-14 points.

New England at Denver. Everybody is on the New England bandwagon as the spread is just three in Vegas. Tom Brady is 10-0 in the playoffs, they are peaking now, especially defensively when they have gone to another level since Bruschi came back. On the flip side, Denver has not done anything in the playoffs since John Elway was taking snaps, and they have Jake Plummer. No matter how many straight passes that Porn Boy throws without tossing a pick during the regular season, he is still Jake Plummer, who is prone to imlpode when the pressure mounts. Belicheck has done a very good job this year holding this team together and having them playing well come playoff time. However, The Denver offense will be too much for the Pats. Denver's running game had success in their first match up against New England, a 28-20 win, and look to do so again this weekend. I think Brady will put some points on the Board, but Denver's defense led by Ian Gold is good enuogh to at least slow them down. Look for Denver to win fairly convincingly in a higher scoring game than the experts are expecting.

Pittsburgh at Indianapolis. Any way you look at this game, Indy is going to blow the Steelers out. Pittsburgh plays best when they get a lead and then run, run, and run some more. Indy is too potent offensively for this formula to work. People think Indianapolis may be rusty as they have not played an important game in over a month, plus the Tony Dungy personal tragedy lingers over the team. This "rust" did not hurt the Eagles last year, and I would be surprised if it hurts Indy this week. Their team, offense in particular, will be functioning on all cylinders. In addition, Pittsburgh is notorious under Cowher to lay it all on the table every week. That is a testament to what a good coach he is. The problem is that when playoff time hits, and other teams are putting it into another gear, Pittsburgh has nothing left. I think this will be another high scoring game, much higher than their 23-7 result several weeks back, with Indy winning easily, something like 38-21.

Carolina at Chicago. This is the game that I will get away from selecting the chalk. Carolina is playing much better football than it did through most of the regular season. Chicago has a similar style to Pittsburgh, in that they like to get a lead, thenn rely on their running game and defense. They key to this game is who gets out in front. I think whoever wins the game will be the team leading at halftime. I think Carolina has the edge because they have more experience in th eplayoffs, they know how to win on the road in the layoffs (they won at St. Louis and at Philly two years ago to get in the Super Bowl). Steve Smith and Nathan Vasher are the 'X' factors here. If Smith outscores Vasher and the Bears defense, Carolina will win something like 14-9 or 17-10.

And now here are the Stitzer picks:

For what its worth, here are my NFL opinions this week. After going 7-1 last week, 4-0 on sides and 3-1 on totals (lone loss was Over in Car/Nyg) there is certainly more room for me to fall than there is for me to climb - a very good problem to have. First and foremost, and please do not consider this "busting my arm by patting ourselves on the back," you should all think twice and maybe three times before wagering against a team that Dils and I agree on in the playoffs. But I wanted to get that out there: buyer beware when you are against the Dils/Nitz team - two of the biggest degenerates and best playoff handicappers you will find west of the Schuylkill and for me, west of the RIO GRANDE!

Wash @ Seattle: Skins are hot, have won 6 in a row. There offense was pathetic last week, which I attribute to a combination of poor Skin execution, good Buc defense, and Gibbs playing ultra-conservative with a lead. It goes without saying that 120 yards is not going to cut it against Seattle; 320 yards might not cut it against Seattle. Seattle is well rested, the Skins are now on the road for the 3rd straight week. The strength of the Skin D is their pass rush, which has been ferocious the last several weeks. The strength of the Seattle offense is running and short passes - the 2 best ways to negate a pass rush. Seattle gives up 13 points a game at home. Seattle scores 28 points a game at home. Do not think they get to 28, but I will also be surprised if the Skins crack 14. Pick is Seattle and the Under.

NE @ Den: Bellichick is a genius and Jake Plummer still stinks? Then why is Denver favored by 3/3.5? If this were any other #4 seed playing at Denver, the line would be 7. Since NE lost @ KC, they have gone 5-1, and in 4 of those games, held opponents to 0, 3, 3, & 7 points. You will hear the media wax poetic about how they "are clicking on all cylinders," "are now healthy on defense." Well, the week before they started this streak, the Chiefs buried them 26-16. NE gives up an average 23 points a game to teams with a +.500 record; 25 on the road. I hope everybody keeps betting NE so the spread gets to 2.5!! Pats are done. Mangini will be offered JETS hc job by Sunday night and probably take it for a day and the resign like his thieving, gutless current boss. Denver and the Over is the way to go here.

Pitt @ Indy: Solid job by Dils breaking this game down and breaking down the Steelers under Cowhrer - has there been a better regular season coach than Cowhrer over the past 14 years? Leave it to the NFL to once again act illogical when scheduling these games. Seattle is west of Denver, so it makes perfect sense to schedule the Seattle game first. But Sunday defies all logic. Chicago and Indy are basically the same longitude. Indy plays in a freaking dome, yet that is the early game? So now we have a night game, outdoors, in January? So it is ok to schedule games that lead up to the Super Bowl, at night, in cold weather, but you can only play the Super Bowl in warm weather or in domes? I see this game as a shootout. And you are not going to beat the Colts in Indy in a shootout. The Colts D will be geared up to stop the run, and they will for the most part, but a healthy BR will hit some plays downfield off play action. Indy, if they are really smart, will just throw, throw, and then throw some more. do not even bother to establish the run, just slip in a draw every now and then. Colts and the Over.

Car @ Chi: I got this game wrong during November, and I will not be fooled again. The Panthers looked great last week, which I greatly appreciate, because now the line is 3 instead of 5.5. The Panthers will not be able to run the ball, and that will have their passing game playing right into the teeth of the Bear defense. By the way, you cannot compare the points allowed from the past 5 years to points allowed of the 199s and prior because the new clock rules severely limit the # of possession during a game. Thus, lets cease all talk about the 2005 Bears D being as good as the 1985 Bears D - not even close. The Bears will hit just enough downfield pass plays to win the field position battle kick a couple of FGs, wait for the Delhomme big mistake, and win by 7-10. Bears and the Under are the pick.

Good luck, and remember, I have no idea what I am talking about, so please bet the other way so the spreads move in my favor (as if the line movement generated from this posting will amount to anything - sort of like Oscar Madison not wanting to give out the Madison/Unger pick to the 3 degenerates in OTB - I am sure 3 $5 win bets would have knocked the odds down on their horse)

Stitzer's Take: TRYING TO FIND SOME LIGHT AMIDST THE DARKNESS

Mr. Stitzer has graced us with a column....finally! He tells me this effort is not up to his own standards, and will be working on a column reminiscent of his old stuff that wil appear in this space in the near future. As always, my comments and reactions can be found at the bottom of his work
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TRYING TO FIND SOME LIGHT AMIDST THE DARKNESS

My football team had a coach fire them for the 4th time in 7 seasons, my baseball team continues to be like an NCAA hoops team that keeps getting #1 seeds but cannot out of their Regional bracket, my 1A Hoop team is a laughingstock, my favorite childhood players keep shafted by the Baseball writers, so where does that leave me? Time to follow the Dark Side.

Message to Terry Bradway & Woody Johnson: When you have a coach under contract through 2007 and another organization wants him, you posses the bargaining strength, even if you do not want said coach. Now, that might mean saying one thing when you mean another. Such as, Herm Edwards is our coach, and if you even want to consider offering us compensation for his services, let’s start with 2 #1 picks. You do not let word leak out that you are not thrilled that Herm is considering going to KC, because that weakens your bargaining position, and you might just end up with a 4th round pick. How about that pussy Tags not getting involved – he could not wait to start doling out JETS draft picks in 1997 during the whole Parcells fiasco. Just amazing how the NE gave the JETS a #1 pick foBelicheckck and KC only gives us a #4 for Herm. Herm from 2001-2005 had a much better coaching resume thaBelicheckck did from 1991-1995. Next HC should be Kirk Ferentz of Iowa, if you saw the On-sides kick call they got hosed on New Year’s Day than he should be a no-brainer hire as he is used to taking up it up the doo-da from the Zebras – a weekly occurrence for the JETS. (Editor’s note: Kirk Ferentz has taken his name out of consideration for any NFL job and will remain at Iowa).

The Baseball HOF has really disgraced itself once again. So Kirby Puckett is a first ballot HOF, Don Mattingly cannot come close to getting in and Jim Rice still cannot get in. Then, they finally take a closer, and they take Bruce Sutter over Goose Gossage? I will let the #s speak for themselves:

Editor's Note: Stitzer had all the career numbers season by season posted here, but I could not copy them over in any semblance of order. To see statistics for these players, please see the following:
http://www.baseball-reference.com/p/puckeki01.shtml
http://www.baseball-reference.com/m/mattido01.shtml
http://www.baseball-reference.com/r/riceji01.shtml
http://www.baseball-reference.com/s/suttebr01.shtml
http://www.baseball-reference.com/g/gossari01.shtml

The #s do not even take into account that Gossage signed with the Yankees in 1978, and reduced the role of the 1977 Cy Young winner, Sparky Lyle, to a set-up man. That is how dominant Goose was.

Very tough to be a St. John’s fan these days. Still trying to get out from under the Jarvis rock, and our best player, Darryl “Showtime” Hill has a knee (in football speak). Of course the injury is just mild enough that he can play once every 3 games as a shell of his former self and re-injure it, and then not play for 2 games. Tough times, tough times.

THE DARK SIDE: Ok, so I stole the name of the football team’s defense, but the SDSU Aztecs beat Utah in their building for the first time since 1982 – Michael Cage’s sophomore year. If you want to know what was going on in the world in 1982, see this link: http://www.signonsandiego.com/sports/aztecs/20060112-9999-2s12azhoop.html. Look for SDSU to win the MWC Tourney in March (by then Marcus Slaughter will be fully recovered from his knee injury), and depending on the match-up, they could win a 1st round game in the NCAAs.
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I agree with Stitzer, this is not his best work. It is great to have him back in the fold, but he can and will do reach a higher level. We are all in need of a taste of his bitterness and cynicism that we crave and miss. As for the content:

• It is unfortunate that the Jets will not be hiring Ferentz. I agree with Stitzer that he will make a fine NFL head coach. As for the other coaches the Jets are consideringconsidernig, Fassel, Haslett, et al, I am not a strong fan of any of them. They have all been head coaches in the past and none of them showed me much (although yes Belicheck was a horrible head coach in Cleveland before he became Vince Lombardi, Jr.). I like the idea of hiring an assistant that has never had that shot as a head coach before. We will see what happens.
• As far as the Hall of Fame goes, I think Rice should absolutely be in, no brainer. I am not as sold on Mattingly (sorry Nitz), as I do not think he was hall of fame great for a long enough period of time. If it make Stitz feel any better, I think Kirby Puckett getting in on the first ballot was a joke (although I would elect Puckett before Mattingly by a hair, but I would not put either one in). I would either put both Sutter and Gossage in or neither. I am not sure how you can justify Sutter without taking Goose.
• Speaking of the hall of fame, it is OK for a coach or player to be very good or excellent and not Hall worthy. The hall should be reserved for the best of the best, only. I am tired of watching college basketball and hearing that Tom Izzo, Roy Williams, Gary Williams, Tubby Smith and every other coach at the Division I level deserves entrance into the shrine. By admitting too many people (not sure how that crook Calhoun got in the same year as Boeheim), it takes away from the accomplishment of those who truly deserve it. Let's try to get back to where it is truly a special accomplishment to get in the Halls of Fame, not one where 25% of the people playing or coaching can get in....